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[2.1] Absolutely Perfect (December 2014)
Reading Time: 26 minutes

Yamada Ryosuke & Chinen Yuri


Yamada x Chinen

Ship Name





Fluffy, romance, bit of angst, some sad, they're both a little tense, dumb boys being dumb, the lesson is to always be honest




MxM Relationship

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The boys each struggle with wanting to do something beautiful for one another, but go about it in all the wrong ways.

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They had been practicing the new dance for hours, finally finished for the day the members were standing together drinking their water, and discussing some of the more challenging aspects and if they needed to make any changes to it to ensure they could breathe enough to still sing. Ryosuke jumped when the phone in his pocket began buzzing.

His eyes widened when he looked down at the phone screen, then immediately glanced up to find Yuri staring at him, his head tilting at whatever unexpected expression Ryosuke was displaying. He cleared his throat, “Excuse me.”

Shuffling as far away from the group as he could without going into the hallway, he answered the phone, “Hello, Nakamura-san.”

The man on the other end spoke immediately, “Yamada-san, everything is finished up, and I wanted to be sure that you’d received the images I emailed you?”

Ryosuke shifted to the side, moving the phone to the other ear in paranoia that somehow one of the other members would overhear the conversation, his eyes landing on Yuri’s narrowed ones, “Ah, yes, I actually did receive them, thank you.”

“I see,” Nakamura continued, “If you have any questions about them?”

“No,” Ryosuke’s mind flashed with the images that he’d seen earlier, his heart thundering in his chest as he turned away from Yuri’s inquisitive eyes, paranoid he might be able to read his mind, lowering his voice, “It looks absolutely perfect.”

“I am so glad to hear that!” Ryosuke could hear the smile in the man’s voice, he’d come highly recommended as a master craftsman, “So long as there’s no other changes you’d like I will requisition a courier to deliver the ring safely to you.”

“Of course,” Ryosuke’s tummy flipped just thinking about holding the ring in his hand, having it in his possession finally, “It’s exactly what I wanted, thank you so much.”

“Wonderful, that’s wonderful,” the man spoke excitedly, “I would like to send it by courier tomorrow—am I still sending it to the address you provided me?”

“Yes, that would be great,” Ryosuke nodded even though the man couldn’t see him, glad he’d made the delivery arrangements in advance so he wouldn’t have to speak about it now—having given the shop his parents address as his Mom would be home to accept the delivery whereas he might not be.

It also ensures Yuri doesn’t see it either.

“Thank you again for all of your help,” Ryosuke was beaming when he hung up the phone, turning to discover the other members still in a quiet discussion about changing one of their dance moves, freezing when his eyes landed on Yuri’s.

“Who was that?” Yuri’s voice was cold, his eyes unwavering as the rest of the member’s conversations faded off until they were all looking expectantly at Ryosuke.

It was a simple question, of course it was, and ideally, Ryosuke would have been prepared for it—but he certainly wasn’t, his mind whirling trying to come up with something, anything to say, swallowing roughly, “Th—that was…ah…”

“A gamer friend I know,” Yuto blurted out, his eyes meeting Ryosuke’s wide ones when he realized they must have heard his side of the conversation, at least some of it, “I asked him to send Yama-chan some of the gear he’d been drooling over, and he did that today.”

Ryosuke thought he should probably stop this before it got too out of hand, surprised at how smoothly Yuto was lying—not sure if he was impressed or concerned, but either way the decision was removed from his choice when Keito spoke up, “Yeah, he’s a great guy.”

Ryosuke looked from the two blatant liars to Yuri to find his eyes fixated on him, still narrowed, and Ryosuke had to concentrate to keep himself from shrinking away from him, attempting to put forward a confident air, nodding once, which produced a grunt from Yuri in response.

“Anyway,” Kota spoke so abruptly it made both of them jump, “If we can get this finished up so we can go home?”

“Yeah, of course,” Ryosuke nodded, uncomfortable with the way Yuri was staring at him, shifting nervously from foot to foot until Yuri shook his head and turned away to walk to the chairs across the room to take a long drink from his water bottle.

“You owe me,” Yuto whispered in Ryosuke’s ear causing him to twist to the side and shove him for scaring him so badly.

“I didn’t ask you to interfere,” Ryosuke hissed, his eyes flittering between Yuto and Keito both who were standing between him and Yuri at this point.

“I saved your ass,” Yuto stated as a matter of fact, “You could at least be thankful.”

“Sure,” Ryosuke shook his head, his hands resting on his hips in frustration, considering that there was a pretty high possibility he’d just made things worse instead of better, “Whatever—thank you.”

“You can also tell me what the hell I am covering for here,” Yuto leaned forward, his eyes burning into Ryosuke, “It’s not like I do this all the time or something, you know?”

Ryosuke nodded, his cheeks red with frustration, “Yeah, I’ll tell you, just…not here, not now, okay.”

Yuto saw whatever he needed to see to be assured he would be given an explanation, shifting to throw his arm around Ryosuke’s shoulder as they walked toward the row of chairs where Yuri was waiting, his voice low, “It better be good.”

Ryosuke laughed, shaking his head, shoving his elbow in Yuto’s side causing him to squeal, “It is, I promise.”

Ryosuke couldn’t have possibly been slumped down any further in the chair without spilling out into the floor, his eyes half closed as he watched Yuri flitting around the dressing room. He figured there was a fairly good chance he’d think he was asleep, which was fine, he wasn’t in a very good mood to start with, and now as he sat in anticipation of the next ten minutes, he couldn’t help but wish he was really asleep.

He could feel Daiki’s eyes on him from where he was sitting beside him and he resisted the urge to reach over and slap him to get him to stop staring, but that would be a dead giveaway that he wasn’t asleep.

Yuri had gathered up all of his stuff, cramming them into that bag that he’d bought him a few weeks ago that he’d lingered a little too long looking at. Then he shuffled over to stand between Ryosuke’s feet.

He slowly bent down until he could see Ryosuke’s eyes, tilting his head so cutely, his eyes sparkling in a way that made Ryosuke’s heart flutter like when they’d been pretending to not have feelings for each other but then his tummy fell out in fear of what was going to happen next.

“Hey you,” Yuri smiled, shuffling forward to push Ryosuke’s legs out of the way until he was standing close enough to him that Ryosuke’s view was limited to looking at the edge of his shirt hanging down over his jeans.

Ryosuke wanted to pretend to be asleep, even now, because he didn’t really want to pretend–but Yuri wasn’t about to have it, his leg shooting out to shove him impatiently, “Hey!”

Ryosuke looked up at him, his eyes were a little less glossy now, irritated at not getting the attention he was looking for, causing Ryosuke to sigh, “Yeah?”

“I have to go to my tumbling class today,” Yuri glanced over at Daiki, who was burning a hole through Ryosuke from his glaring at this point, “Dai-chan is taking me, but I’ll be home like…around 7:00?”

Ryosuke just stared at him, not breaking eye contact because hell to the no, he wasn’t about to make this easy for Yuri, if he was going to point blank lie–then he’d have to do it point blank looking right into his eyes.

Ryosuke shrugged, sinking impossibly further into the chair as he feigned disinterest, “‘kay”

Yuri stood there, still as a statue as he tried to make sense of Ryosuke’s attitude, looking to Daiki for a better understanding, but all he did was shrug, his eyebrows raising as he shook his head to indicate he had no idea what was happening.

“Okay…umm…” Yuri’s voice was soft, small and Ryosuke’s heart ached, and like any other time, he just couldn’t see this through, his hand snapping out to grab Yuri’s causing him to jump from being startled by the sudden movement.

“Be safe,” Ryosuke glanced up at him, his teeth clenching at the hurt reflected in Yuri’s eyes, and he wanted to just drag him into the room next door and force the truth out of him, but he just couldn’t do it, he wasn’t strong enough to hear whatever it might be. A part of him never wanted to know or understand whatever it could possibly be–his breath caught in his throat when Yuri leaned over to press a soft kiss against his cheek, not even looking around the room to assure they were alone, his lips tickling his skin as his warm breath brushed his ear, “I love you.”

Ryosuke wanted to grab him, shake him, and just scream, “WHY THEN!?”

He didn’t, he just gripped his hand tighter, waiting until he went to stand back up and pulled him closer to press a tender kiss against his lips because he didn’t care who was there either, frankly, and he wasn’t in the mood to care either, breathless as he tried to control himself, whispering, “I love you, too.”

Yuri stared at him, blinking rapidly before he took a deep breath, pulling his hand free as he gestured to Daiki, “I’m gonna be late.”

“Right,” Daiki scrambled up, his eyes wide as he watched Yuri walk quickly out of the room without looking back, glancing at Ryosuke questioningly before he shook his head and rushed out of the room after Yuri.

Ryosuke made a deep guttural sound, a feral noise that was something between a growl and an internalized scream, then jumped out of his skin when Yuto threw himself down in the chair next to him, his voice entirely too loud for the mood of the room, “What’s your malfunction?”

Ryosuke jerked his head to the side, biting his tongue because Yuto didn’t deserve the backlash of his emotional overflow, his fingers clenching into fists as he growled again.

Yuto studied him for a moment, his voice low, “Damn, Yama-chan what is wrong with you?”

Ryosuke took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to control his emotions, angry at himself when he felt a warm tear pool and then spill down his cheek, “He doesn’t have a tumbling class today–I saw a message he sent to his teacher this morning canceling.”

“Wh..what? He…” Yuto looked toward the door where Yuri and Daiki had left, like the answer was somewhere in those twenty paces that would make sense of it–but finding none, he glanced cautiously back over at Ryosuke because all he could think was that he was definitely going to explode in a fit of pure rage.

He frowned when he discovered not the Ryosuke he was anticipating, but instead a broken, pitiful boy who was terrified of what had just happened and what it might mean. He reached his arm out to hug Ryosuke awkwardly from the side, “I’m sure there’s a logical explanation…you shouldn’t jump to conclusions.”

Ryosuke frowned, scrubbing at his eyes in frustration as he jerked his shoulder to throw off Yuto’s arm, “It’s fine, I’m not, it’s nothing, I’m sure you’re right.”

“Yeah,” Yuto responded weakly as he watched Ryosuke grab up his jacket and bag and walk briskly out of the room without another word.

Yuto chewed at his lip, feeling utterly alone and wondering where Keito was at that moment–needing to talk this through with him. Shaking his head, he frowned, because he couldn’t help but be concerned about the words that kept flashing through his mind, dripping on his tongue asking to be spoken…

What if I’m wrong?

Daiki rushed down the hallway to catch up with Yuri who was quite literally stomping his way to the building’s exit. He fell into step beside him, glancing over cautiously to discover his brows were drawn down, his lips pursed in a sour expression, a low noise coming from him as a warning for Daiki to keep his mouth shut.

When they reached the door, they waved at the guard and then Daiki pushed forward, holding it open for Yuri who rushed past him toward his car. Yuri slammed the car door far harder than necessary, and Daiki resisted the urge to tell him he needed to calm down, but honestly, he’d never seen either of them act like this before, so he felt quite out of his element himself.

They’d driven exactly seven minutes before Yuri exploded in the seat next to him, causing Daiki to jump, swerving a little in response before he jerked his head over to see Yuri’s hands flying in the air around him as he went off.

“How dare him! I mean honestly! HOW DARE HIM! I literally am doing this for HIM–and he has the audacity to sit there and be all…all…what is that?! What is his issue!? What in the world is wrong with him anyway!? When I am going through all of this trouble, I mean I AM TALKING TO PEOPLE and having MEETINGS and doing all of this because I want to do something special for him and he has the nerve to be all “‘kay” to me. I’m gonna kick his ass.”

Daiki couldn’t help but laugh, because he was pretty sure that Yuri could kick Ryosuke’s ass without even trying because Ryosuke was nothing if not whipped when it came to Yuri–though, he couldn’t be sure of that at the moment given whatever was going on right now with him.

“He’s been acting like a crazy person, I can tell he’s not telling me something, but he just keeps smiling and distracting me, and I am so done with his stupid nonsense! He gets mad at me when all I’m doing is making something pretty for him! When he’s the one that is acting like a super-secret spy or something!”

He issued a loud, long growl, his fists hitting his knees, “I AM SO MAD!”

And confused…but mostly mad.

Daiki had remained silent, glancing over to look at Yuri, taking a deep breath, planning to talk Yuri down, but he was already off on another fit of yelling…Daiki decided to just drive, waiting for him to get it out of his system.

“He doesn’t deserve me! I’m gonna tell the shop to just forget it, to just not finish it, because why in the world would I go through all this trouble for someone who was going to be so stupid? I wouldn’t…I shouldn’t! Should I!?”

Daiki glanced over, realizing that Yuri had paused, his eye brows lifted, his expression expectant, and Daiki swallowed roughly, “You’re–You are asking me?”

“YES! Who else would I be asking!?” Yuri bellowed, and Daiki thought the windows shook from his rage.

“Well,” Daiki kept his eyes on the road, preparing to turn into the shopping center, “I think there must be a reasonable explanation for Yama-chan’s behavior and you should probably talk to him about it.”

“You know I can’t do that,” Yuri snapped instantly.

Daiki pulled the car into the parking spot and once he had the engine turned off he turned in his seat to look at Yuri, “And why is that again?”

Yuri crossed his arms, his brows drawn down as he frowned, “He’d figure it out! You know I won’t be able to not tell him.”

“I know you want to do this like this…but Chii-chan…maybe you should think about changi–“

“NO!” Yuri interrupted him, “Absolutely not! I have already decided this is what I am going to do, and I am going to do it this way!”

Daiki sort of wished he wasn’t in on this plan, like in any way at all, shaking his head as he opened the car door, waiting at the front bumper for Yuri to join him, then walking beside him as they approached the store.

“It’s not my fault Yamada wants to act like a spoiled rotten brat!” Yuri pushed forward, swinging the shop door open and entering the shop.

Daiki’s step faltered at Yuri calling Ryosuke ‘Yamada’–he couldn’t think of a time in the last few years he’d done that–his eyes wide as he stepped into the shop and let the door close behind him.

Yuri was already at the counter talking to the man waiting there, and all Daiki could do was worry his lip in uncertainty that this plan of Yuri’s was maybe not the best in the world but, thankfully, it was nearly finished.

I just hope it is finished before they are…

Ryosuke figured there was only one way he was going to be able to rest that night–releasing all of the negative energy he had allowed to build up all afternoon in anticipation of Yuri’s supposed tumbling class. He’d normally suggest Yuri help him, so to speak, but given his current feelings he decided that was absolutely not going to happen—so, instead he hit the gym on his way home.

Even so, he realized fairly quickly that he could spend the whole night there sweating his ass off lifting weights and he wouldn’t feel any better. He knew he needed to figure out things and get to the bottom of what was going on but he just didn’t know how to approach it—where to even start.

He eventually gave up, taking a quick shower and then headed home, pushing the button on the console to call his Mom.

“Hello dear,” she answered happily, just the sound of her voice making Ryosuke instantly feel better, smiling when she spoke again, “What are you up to?”

“I’m driving home from the gym,” Ryosuke responded, slowing down for a red light.

“It’s awfully late for that isn’t it?”

Ryosuke glanced at the clock, surprised to discover it was nearly 7, and he was usually finished at the gym by 5 at the latest, “Ah, yeah, I guess I went a bit over—I was just needing to blow off some steam.”

“Uh-oh,” he could practically see the frown on her face, “Sounds like there’s a story here.”

“It’s really nothing,” Ryosuke shook his head despite her not being able to see him, moving forward with the traffic.


He sighed dramatically, making sure she’d hear it, not really willing to drag the conversation out, “It’s Yuri.”

“What happened!? Is he okay? What happened to him!? Do I need to co—”

“Mom! Mom! No! Oh my gosh, Yuri is fine, it’s nothing like that—he’s perfectly fine, nothing happened to him,” he laughed softly at what a mom she was even to Yuri.

“Oh, thank God, you scared me!”

“Sorry, I didn’t realize how it would sound,” Ryosuke took a deep breath, “It’s just, it’s nothing like that.”

“Then what’s it like?”

He wanted to keep quiet and act like everything was okay, but he really needed someone to tell him what to do, “Yuri is keeping something from me.”

“I see…” his Mom laughed softly, “Couldn’t it be something to do with Christmas?”

“No,” Ryosuke hated to say that, he wished it were that simple, “Yuri sucks at Christmas secrets, and there’s no way it’s something like that, he would have slipped up and said something to me.”

He sighed, and then he sat up straight as he was turning onto the road where their apartment was, “Wait, but…do you know something?”  

Feeling hopeful his voice was high, “Did he call you? Are you helping him?”

“No,” her voice was reluctant, “He hasn’t spoken to me about anything, I’m sorry honey.”

“It’s fine,” Ryosuke felt the sting of the lie on his tongue even as he said it, “I’m sure there’s a good reason…right?”

“Ryosuke,” her voice was firm, “Don’t be silly, of course there is a good reason—and I know you want me to tell you what to do, but you already know it—if you’re this upset and bothered you need to talk to him.”

“I don’t know what to say, how to approach it, ya know?”

“I understand,” and he knew she did, but his heart ached when she spoke again, “But you just said a few weeks ago that no one meant more to you than he did—and that you were going to make sure he knew for the rest of his life who he was to you—remember?”

“Yeah,” Ryosuke frowned, the conversation with his parents causing his heart to ache, “I remember.”

“Has he ever given you a single reason to doubt him?”


“To be suspicious of him?”


“Then you should trust him,” she was nodding, he just knew it, “He deserves your trust until he is able to talk about whatever it is that he’s keeping from you—and then he will deserve your compassion for whatever it is.”

“What could it be?” Ryosuke just needed to know, he wished he could understand.

“I couldn’t begin to imagine, but I know Yuri and he loves you—and that boy isn’t going to do anything that is going to harm you, so you need to simmer down and let him do what he needs to do and trust that he’ll confide in you when he’s ready.”

“When he’s ready?”

“Yes,” she affirmed, “You can’t push him if he’s not ready to talk about whatever he’s going through.”

“You think he’s going through something?!” Ryosuke had pulled into the parking garaged, setting the car in park, hands tight on the steering wheel, “He’s going through something that he can’t talk to me about!?”

“It would seem so, don’t you think?” her voice was soft, just the way it was when he was a child and she needed to help him with whatever crisis he was facing at the time, “Sometimes these things happen this way, but Ryosuke it is nothing to do with us and the power of our relationship or love for one another—there’s been many times I have had to keep something from your father until I was ready to share it.”

“Really?” that felt hopeful and Ryosuke rubbed his chest lightly as his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest.

“Really,” she took a deep breath, “Trust Yuri, he’s always got you in his mind, and in his heart, he’s not going to do anything to hurt you—just love him and wait until he’s ready to share, okay?”

“Yeah, alright,” he wished he could sound more confident, “I’ll do my best, thanks Mom.”

“You’re welcome, stop worrying, and if you need me you know I’m here!”

“I know, I love you Mom,” he smiled at her voice when she responded, “I love you, too.”

They got off the phone and as Ryosuke made his way to the elevator, he felt a little bit lighter—because maybe it was just something that he needed to wait for Yuri to share, maybe he was just going through something and he needed time to process it or something.

Still…doesn’t that mean there’s actually something he thinks he couldn’t talk to me about?

Whatever hope he had seemed to instantly disappear like the air in a popped balloon, his heart heavy as he walked into the dark apartment, shuffling off his shoes and heading to the bedroom, wondering where Yuri was right now.

Yuri stared down at the tiny gemstones on the white velvet that looked like pebbles scattered across snow, most of the words the man was saying whooshing straight over his head, his finger pushing one of the stones around, fascinated by how it sparkled even though it was a deep dark black color.

“…and each stone has been authenticated as natural A4 with no inclusions, earning them the purest clarity grade making them flawless—they are the highest quality gem I could procure as per your specifications.”

Yuri unknowingly blinked at the man, his head tilting, unsure if he was expecting a response, but when Daiki nudged him in the side, he figured he was supposed to say something, “Ah…then…these are the best you can get correct?”

“Yes, sir,” the man affirmed, “I stand by the quality—however,” the man swallowed roughly, his eyes darting to Daiki and back again to Yuri—who was utterly confused by the strange expression the man had, as if he were loath to speak the words, “That is to say Chinen-san—the design you have chosen contains 56 of these stones, and given they are extremely rare in this particular grade it would…ah…”

Yuri was confused as to what the man was trying to say, just nodding, gesturing to the stones, “I just want to ensure these ones are the very best you can offer me.”

“These are, yes the best in the world really…” he gestured to the stones on the velvet, “But of course, you could use half of this grade and step down a grade or two and in all probability, you would not be able to tell the difference…if you’d like—”

“No,” Yuri heard Daiki snicker beside him, “I want all of them to be this grade A super rare inclusion clarity ones, that’s all…I want all of them to be the best you can give me, if that’s these ones then I want all of the stones to be these.”

“All 56 of them?”

What is with this guy!?

“Yes?” Yuri was exasperated, and then suddenly he realized—this guy didn’t think Yuri could pay for them, or that he was all up on here shopping without understanding the costs involved, he bit back the response he really wanted to say, settling for getting the issue out of the way, “Would it make you feel better to do the math on these stones then? They’re what? How much each?”

“They would be about, let’s see, cut to your design, that would be about $120-145 per stone…so that would be,” the man leaned over to start tapping some buttons on the calculator he had there, but Yuri quickly blurted out, “Between $6720 up to $8120.”

“Ah, yes…that’s correct,” the man was clearly surprised, pushing the calculator to the side, “So…”

“So…I want all 56 of these stones,” Yuri nodded, understanding, “I can pay for them now if you’d like?”

“Oh, no, of course not,” the man shook his head, gesturing for Yuri to not bother with retrieving his wallet, “I don’t need payment until the product is completed, of course, I just wasn’t sure you were aware of the costs involved in that number of…”

“I understand,” Yuri interrupted him, so tired at this point in his life of being treated like a child, and maybe even more so that he was incapable of spending this kind of money—as if he hadn’t researched this before he entered this shop—knowing full well the costs involved, “I just want to ensure the stones are the very best you can offer me.”

“They certainly are, you have my word,” the man affirmed.

“Then let me be clear, these are the diamonds I want, and whatever else you need, the metals, everything, I don’t care what it costs—I have money, that I literally have never spent, and I want this to be perfect, so I don’t care about the money—I want the ring to be perfect.”

The man nodded slowly, “Yes, of course, Chinen-san, it shall be just as you desire.”

Yuri watched as he pulled the clipboard over, reading off the requirements to Yuri to confirm them, “The band, it’s pink right? That’s really important.”

“Oh, yes,” the man nodded, “It will be rose gold as you requested.”

“That’s pink, yeah?”

The man smiled kindly, “As close as gold can be to pink.”

“Good, that’s good,” Yuri nodded, then thanked the man—who gave him an estimate of how long until the ring was finished.

Yuri thought as they left to go home how excited he was to get this ring, after all, he wanted to give Ryosuke the most beautiful ring he’d ever seen—and even though he hated talking to strangers and dealing with money and…being social in any way in reality—he was absolutely bent on making this the most exquisite ring in the whole world.  

I’m gonna make sure it is.

Yuri’s feet were restless, his legs bobbing up and down as Daiki made the turn onto the road where he and Ryosuke lived.

“What are you gonna tell him?” Daiki glanced over at Yuri nervously.

“I can’t tell him your stupid car broke down and it took two hours to get it repaired, while we were all the way across Tokyo at a luxury jewelry shop, now can I?” Yuri snapped instantly.

He took a deep breath, turning to glance and Daiki, “Sorry…this just really complicated things…I guess…”

“UGH! I hate this!” he growled, his fingertips twisting into his pant legs in frustration and he just really wanted to hit something, “I guess I’ll just tell him that practice ran over or something…I don’t know what else I could say that wouldn’t make him ask questions.”

“I hate to say it, but that really is probably the best,” Daiki whispered, “I’m sorry that my car had to be stupid today of all days.”

“It’s not your fault,” Yuri sighed, leaning his head on the window, the cool surface feeling good against his heated skin.

It’s my fault…I might be trying to do a good thing, but I’m definitely not doing it very well.

I hate lying to Ryosuke.

This is the last time.

Ryosuke was replying to the email when he heard Yuri at the door, scrambling to shut down his computer and look like he’d been napping on the bed, he threw the laptop under the pillows at the end of the bed and curled up into a ball around one of the other pillows, feigning sleep. 

He could hear Yuri moving through the house, images of him in his mind, the way he would move through the house, what he was doing when he could hear each tell-tale noise, and how undeniably cute he probably was while doing it. 

Stop that! You’re mad at him, he lied to you today!


He wanted to stay mad, he was confused and had no idea how to bring up the fact that this was the second time that he knew with absolute certainty Yuri had lied to him. Not just a little lie either, but both times they had been blatant bold faced lies. The first had happened about two weeks ago when Yuri told him that he was meeting his Mom after work for some Christmas shopping—except, Ryosuke had been in contact with Yuri’s Mom that very day to ask her for a  recipe he wanted to make for Yuri of a dessert she always made for the holidays. She told him then that she would be home all afternoon if he needed any help with it, since his plan was to make it for him since it was his day off. So, when Yuri texted him with the message that he would be late coming home and that he was meeting his Mom…well, Ryosuke was worried and concerned, because Yuri never lied…like, ever. He was one of the most forthright and openly honest people he knew—almost to a fault, as he’d sometimes say things so straightforward and bluntly that people would get their feelings hurt—so, it was terrifying that Yuri had lied to him so blatantly.

The thing was, Ryosuke tried to think that maybe it was something to do with Christmas—maybe a gift, something he needed to hide—but, until now, if Yuri was doing something that he needed to hide he would literally tell Ryosuke that and then threaten him with bodily harm if he interfered, asked questions, or snooped. It really wasn’t his style to go behind Ryosuke’s back at all, so that history was exactly what made this situation so difficult. This entire situation was so far outside of Yuri’s personality it had left Ryosuke baffled and confused on many various levels.  

There was a tiny moment, a little flicker of weakness, where he thought maybe Yuri could be seeing someone else, it was a weird flash in the back of his mind, his own insecurities showing like they were under the harsh brightness of a spotlight, but then he knew in his heart it couldn’t be anything like that, not in a million years—of that he was absolutely certain.

Which left him with the quandary of what it really was that he was doing…and each time he contemplated it he drew a blank—nothing made sense. He knew he should have just brought it up, but by the time he had the courage too many days had passed, and he knew it would be weird. Not to mention the fact that he was harboring a lot of negative feelings about it…ones he was once again certain were rooted in his own insecurities—but the very idea that there was something—anything—that Yuri either wanted to, or worse felt like he HAD to keep from him was devastating to Ryosuke.

From the first time they’d met until now—they’d always held one another in the highest of confidences—shared the deepest, most personal secrets—and yes, the most embarrassing ones too. So, then, what did it mean if there was something Yuri was going through or experiencing that he didn’t feel comfortable sharing with Ryosuke? What if it wasn’t even not feeling comfortable but that he felt like he couldn’t share it because of whatever he thought the outcome could potentially be? The what if’s and suppositions were so many Ryosuke had lost count but ultimately—it all began and ended with the simple truth—Yuri has a secret, and regardless of what the reason he had—he was keeping it from Ryosuke.

Ryosuke was already plagued by the way it made him feel, then this morning he’d seen the message Yuri sent—not because he was snooping, rather, Yuri had left his phone on the kitchen counter while pouring his juice and he just happened to be walking by when it popped up with the return message from his coach.

I’m sorry to cancel at such short notice, but I have had something important come up so I will not be able to make it to practice today.

No problem! I’ll see you next week then!

Ryosuke didn’t say anything, figuring that Yuri would mention why he was canceling, thinking maybe he didn’t feel well or something, but then Yuri didn’t say anything about it, and as the day went on Ryosuke grew more and more agitated at the idea that Yuri wasn’t going to tell him at all. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy, Yuri had forthright lied to him and said he was still attending his class.

Still, even now Ryosuke felt like he should tell Yuri about his worries and concerns, get him to tell him what was going on and why he’d lied, but the thing was…despite Ryosuke knowing it wasn’t something stupid like another guy or anything like that—he just wasn’t prepared to deal with his hurt feelings from it. Certainly, he was used to people saying things that hurt him, and sure, he’d had moments where people he loved like his family had hurt him, but somehow this from Yuri was way deeper than anything he’d known before. He wasn’t sure how to handle it, and while he knew it was wrong to not be forthright, he just couldn’t bring himself to confront it, not right now…So, instead of initiating the talk they really should have—Ryosuke yawned widely when the bed dipped as Yuri crawled onto it, and blinked his eyes open as if he had been sleeping.

“Good morning, sleepy head,” Yuri mused, leaning down to kiss him quickly before he drew back and stared at him.

Ryosuke really yawned this time, the word muffled by his hand, “Morning.”

He rolled onto his back and grabbed Yuri to drag him down against his side to hold him closely, and for his own part Yuri was more than willing to lay down there, his form melting against Ryosuke’s side as he wrapped his arms around him, his head laying on his chest as he snuggled closer still.

“I was worried about you,” Ryosuke murmured, pressing a sincere kiss against Yuri’s temple, squeezing him gently against his side.

“I’m sorry,” Yuri laid very still, and Ryosuke felt like the world was slowed down to where he could see light moving like in the movies as he waited for Yuri to speak, “I…we were really carried away in class so it ran really long—I should have called.”

Yuri clenched his eyes closed at the lie, hating himself, and everything about this, but reminding himself…this was for a perfect moment…and single moment in time and he wanted, no…he needed it to be like what was in his head.

Ryosuke let the breath he’d been holding out slowly, his mouth turning down into a smile at the lie that seemingly fell so easily off Yuri’s lips, his heart aching and his mind whirling.

I should say something, now is good, I should just ask him what’s happening…that’s all.

Ryosuke smiled when Yuri sighed in contentment, drawing his hand up to brush his hair, then clasp his shoulder to pull him closer still, because somehow it just didn’t matter what Yuri was doing, or why…he just…he just loved him, he couldn’t change it.

Maybe tomorrow…maybe then we can talk.

He froze when Yuri’s foot stretched out, sliding under the pillows at the bottom of the bed, hitting the laptop that Ryosuke had hidden there.

Before he could think to stop him, Yuri was sitting up, tossing the pillow back to hit Ryosuke in the head, grabbing the laptop and holding it up, “You left your computer here?”

“Ah, yeah,” Ryosuke reached his hand out for it, “Sorry, I must have fallen asleep…”

“With the computer by your feet?” Yuri’s eyebrow rose slowly, and all Ryosuke could think was this was it, he was definitely going to get caught and everything was going to be ruined.

And you’re being a whiny bitch about him keeping something from you.

“Well…I mean, I must have pushed it down there after I dozed off,” Ryosuke lied smoothly and more or less hated himself for it, because he really was mad at Yuri for being dishonest at the same exact moment he realized this was just too much for too long, wanting to just confess and handle the fallout right now.

Yuri’s eyes didn’t move, didn’t close, didn’t change, his expression like a statue for five beats longer than would be natural and then he tilted his head, his voice soft, “I was going to look up some info about a song I heard on the radio today.”

And with that, he shifted, dragging the laptop onto a pillow he propped in his lap, his fingers poised to open it.

Oh, fuck! Did I close the window? Did I close the messages?

Ryosuke was instantly in a panic, because honestly that would be just about right that he had managed to do all of this without Yuri finding out and he was going to open up the laptop and see those pictures! His heart beati wildly in his chest as he realized that his plan was hanging by a fragile thread before he reached up to shove the laptop off Yuri’s lap, shifting quickly to pull up on his knees, not missing Yuri’s shocked expression as his eyes followed the path of the computer and then darted to look at Ryosuke.

“What the…”

“I love you,” Ryosuke spoke the words, and he knew his voice was shaking, and while he sincerely meant the words, he also recognized that he was manipulating the situation to his advantage and couldn’t help but think what a total and complete ass he was right now.

One of Yuri’s eyes twitched, then they narrowed before he tilted his head, his fingertips grabbing the comforter, his knuckles white when Ryosuke shuffled closer, causing him to tilt his head up, shivering when Ryosuke’s fingers grazed his cheeks, cursing his body for responding so easily—knowing damn well he was being toyed with.

I’m gonna look at that computer.

Still, I’ll play this game.

Ryosuke leaned down, brushing his lips against Yuri’s softly, just a flutter before he paused, his eyes opening to look into Yuri’s wide ones, “I really do love you, Chisana.”

Yuri’s eyes tried to focus on him, as he was almost too close, and he just wished he could see the reality there, the truth, because he was so tired and confused by his behavior and while he knew what he was doing was wrong—he felt like he could die when he thought about Ryosuke actually lying to him, his voice weak, “I love you too.”

Ryosuke had planned to seduce him and get his mind far away from that confounded laptop, but suddenly looking into his eyes, seeing him being so uncertain—it just didn’t matter anymore—making up his mind, he twisted to reach behind him where it was teetering dangerously on the edge of the bed, pulling it around as he shifted back, handing it to a surprised Yuri.

“I just wanted you to know, that’s all…” Ryosuke meant it, his head bowing down as he shuffled to lay back on his pillows, feeling Yuri’s eyes on him as he moved, “You can look up whatever you wanted to now, I’m really tired.”

He was…so tired of the chaos.

He lay still, pulling the blanket up under his chin, his mind whirling, ready to explain when Yuri saw what he was likely to see.

He kept peeking through his lashes, and couldn’t really make sense of why Yuri was just sitting there staring down at the computer…and then sometimes he’d blink up under the hair hanging down on his forehead at him, and then back to the computer again…it was strange, if he wanted to check something why not just check it?

Yuri stared at the computer, his mind spinning…because he wanted to open that stupid computer and see what was on there—but at the same time, he was going to ask this man to marry him, and what kind of marriage was built on that level of mistrust? He shouldn’t need to open the computer.

He was so confused by Ryosuke, glancing over at him to see his face smooth in sleep and he just wanted to go hug him, but didn’t really want to wake him. He looked back at the computer again, trying to decide what to do.

I trust him.

I don’t understand what he’s lying about, but I know he isn’t going to hurt me.

He shifted to sit the laptop on the nightstand, jumping when Ryosuke’s hand touched his back, his voice soft, “Ree?”

Yuri twisted to look back at Ryosuke, confusion marring his features, “I thought you were asleep?”

Ryosuke didn’t say anything about that, just leaned up to grab the computer from Yuri’s hands and sat it in the space between them, lifting the lid, clenching his teeth because he had no idea what was going to be on the screen.

Yuri slowly shifted to move back so he could see the screen as Ryosuke whispered, “You had something you wanted to see—and nothing matters more to me than your happiness, so you should go ahead and see.”

Yuri was staring at Ryosuke trying to make sense of it, of these words, digging through his flittering memories to connect it to whatever reason he’d given before that he wanted to look at the computer, assuming it fit, he nodded, his voice hoarse, “Thanks.”

He turned his head to look at the computer, tilting his head when there was a series of browsers open to the normal sites Ryosuke tended to visit—video games, twitch accounts, cheat sites…nothing unusual there at all. He swallowed roughly, reaching forward to click the new window button in the corner, the cursor hovering over the history slide out for only a moment but long enough for him to see nothing in the recent history was remotely questionable, just normal stuff like work email and fanclub logins…

He wasn’t doing anything…your own guilt is getting to you.

This doesn’t explain everything…

Shut up, I’m too tired to think about this tonight.

Ryosuke had been holding his breath and when he realized he must have closed the tab that had his email open in it he finally released the breath, relieved that everything hadn’t been spoiled, closing his eyes to just be still in the moment.

Just a few more days and then I will explain every single weird thing to him, and we’ll laugh about this.

Yuri shut the computer, twisting to set it on the nightstand and then shuffled over into Ryosuke’s open arms, smiling against his neck as he fit into his perfect spot.

There’s nothing else I need to know other than this. Just a little bit longer and everything will be perfect.

Absolutely perfect.

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