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[1.3] It’s Enough (Yuri’s 20th Birthday, 2013)
Reading Time: 22 minutes

Yamada Ryosuke & Chinen Yuri


Yamada x Chinen

Ship Name





friendship to love, falling in love, drunken confessions, discovery of love, drunk Yuri is DRUNK, unrequited love, Yuto is the best





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Hey Say 7 celebrates Yuri’s 20th Birthday, 2013–includes all 4 members of 7

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Yuto was making his way through the streets toward Ryosuke’s neighborhood, having been the designated driver, he was making sure everyone got home safely. It had been a good idea as it turned out, since despite having been out with Keito a few times, he had never really seen him drink more than a single drink with his dinner—and tonight he found out that it didn’t take much to send him into alternate fits of giggles and uncontrollable tears.

At one point he’d burst out into tears from how pretty the strawberry was on the top of his drink, sobbing as he lamented how it was ‘the prettiest strawberry I’ve ever seen in my whole life’.

Drunk people though.

On the other hand, the guy they’d taken to the bar to purposefully get trashed, Yuri, seemed to hold his alcohol fairly well. They’d all been pretty impressed until he admitted he’d carb loaded before showing up, and was drinking slower than everyone else.

As it turned out, once the food slowed down and the drinks kept coming they’d all pulled out their cellphones to document his slow slide into inebriation for the first time. The glazed eyes, the way he started hugging everyone, and sitting in their laps like had when he was twelve.

They’d had a good laugh, and then when they’d tried to cut him off he pitched a holy fit and Ryosuke had ended up tricking him into leaving by telling him that he was going to take him dancing.

“Will you dance with me, Yama-chan?”

“Sure,” Ryosuke laughed as he held Yuri up, handling him carefully across the parking lot.

“You promise?”

“Yes,” Ryosuke laughed, “I promise when we go dancing I will dance with you, Yuri.”

“Ca-can I pick the song?”

“Sure, of course.” Ryosuke couldn’t think of a reason at all he shouldn’t make these promises to him since they weren’t actually going dancing, and odds were that Yuri wouldn’t remember any of this anyway.

Yuto had supported Keito to the car, buckling him in the front seat and laughing when he pulled his knees up to his chest and burst into tears because he was cold. He grabbed a blanket out of the trunk and wrapped him up in it, which caused him to weep more, as he told him how much he loved him and what a good friend he is.

Ryosuke had managed to convince Yuri that the dance club was not in the same neighborhood—which got him excited, so he jumped clumsily into the backseat and hit his fists on the front seats screaming for Yuto to ‘get your ass in here and take me to dance with the hottie!’

They had no idea who the ‘hottie’ was, at least no one was willing to guess, and when they’d asked him, Yuri’s face had flushed a dark red, and he’d barked orders at Yuto about what club he wanted to go to and told him to get them there ‘stat’.

Yuto started the car, glancing over at Keito before he pulled out of the parking lot, intending to give him control over the radio only to find him sleeping soundly, snoring softly with his head pressed against the window, then his attention was drawn by the escalating racket from the backseat. He paused, still stopped at the exit, turning in his seat to try to get a feel for what was going on back there.

He discovered Ryosuke trying to wrangle Yuri into the seatbelt—but their somewhat belligerent newly christened now exceedingly drunken twenty-year old—had apparently thrown his arms around Ryosuke’s waist with a death grip, murmuring an ongoing monologue about how much he loved him.

Yuto stifled a laugh when he heard Yuri’s voice, slurred, and sloppy, still fading in and out, his eyes making contact with Ryosuke who was smiling, looking down at Yuri while he continued to express his undying love and affection for him, “I love you, Ryo-chan. I really, really love you!”

Ryosuke laughed, “Well, if you love me you need to do what I’m asking you to do right now. You have to sit down and let me put the seatbelt on you. It’s dangerous to not wear it, and I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“Okay, only cause you asked, just for you,” his head wobbled as he nodded, his eyes seeming to bounce with the motion.

“Then sit back and let me fix it.”

“I still want to hug you, can I?”

“Sure, sure,” Ryosuke nodded, pushing into his chest with his shoulder to get him into the position to finally get the belt around him, releasing his breath when the belt finally clicked into place.

He pulled back grabbing his own seatbelt, having to thread it between Yuri’s arms because he was not letting go, now leaning over onto Ryosuke’s side of the car, still holding him around his midsection.

“We good?” Yuto asked, raising his eyebrows in amusement, still trying not to laugh at the scene.

“Yeah,” Ryosuke nodded, shrugging, “Sorry.”

“No problem, who knew he was going to be that kind of drunk, right?”

“Truth,” Ryosuke nodded, watching as Yuri shifted, twisting in his belt and then ending up with his head laid on his lap, one hand still resting between his back and the seat, the other stretched out across his legs and tucked underneath his thigh.

“I love you Ryo-chan…” the words were soft, and Yuri had shifted his head, blinking dreamily up at Ryosuke, a smile on his face.

Ryosuke shushed him gently, his hand moving through Yuri’s hair softly, trying to soothe him, “Sleep now, Chii.”

“But…but…I need to tell you.”

His tone was comical, like he was telling a long-held secret, despite his voice being far too loud for such things, and Ryosuke couldn’t help but smile as he watched Yuri trying to lift his head, but it was no use, instead his head just lolled to the side, and his eyes twitched where he was trying to open them, sleep demanding to be taken, Ryosuke’s voice soft as he leaned over him, “Tell me what?”

“How much I love you,” the words were messy, but Ryosuke knew what he was saying, and he felt his heart clench—not really having thought that him being around a drunk Yuri would mean him saying things that he so desperately longed to hear, but that he didn’t even know he was saying.

If only he meant it the way I wish he did.

“I love you, too, Yuri,” Ryosuke frowned at the bittersweet feeling swelling in his chest when he said the words, the meaning so much more than the way he knew that Yuri would hear them, pushing the hair off his forehead, his fingers moving through the silky strands, smiling down at him, “Sleep now.”

“Okay,” Yuri murmured, and Ryosuke couldn’t help but laugh quietly as he felt the weight change, Yuri finally having drifted off to sleep nearly instantly after so much protesting.

Yuto had pulled out on the road leading to Ryosuke’s house, familiar with the route, his eyes glancing in the rear-view mirror, a smile spreading across his face at the scene in the backseat.

Ryosuke had his head leaned against the headrest, eyes closed, and despite having drank a bit, he wasn’t too far gone, he was a little wobbly, and certainly, his eyes had been glassy and his face flushed, but mostly his aura was serene, no worries, no concerns there, and Yuto was glad. This had been a strange night, a weird turn of events given the way the two of them had talked, admitted a lot of past issues they’d had with each other.

It felt like a new page had turned in the book of their lives and he was glad to have all that unpleasantness put away for good now. He was so thankful, felt relieved, and he understood Ryosuke finally, and he knew he understood him, too. Things would never go back to the way they were, they’d grow together now, and nothing could make him happier, nothing in the world.

Well, maybe one thing…

He reached up, quietly as he could to not disturb the others, twisting the rearview mirror to try to see what Yuri was doing, his eyes widening when he discovered Yuri was also sound asleep—shocked first that the kid could fall asleep so fast after his manic episode of ordering him around, and then secondarily about how he was sleeping.

He couldn’t help but wonder, about Yuri, about him with Ryosuke…the image they presented, they looked like they belonged there, the two of them together, despite the picture being one of decided disarray—it still looked somehow…right.

It is right.

I know it is.

Ryosuke’s legs were stretched out in front of him, a contented smile on his face, and Yuri was sprawled out across him, seemingly passed out, his arms wrapped around Ryosuke, and Ryosuke’s arms were wrapped around his shoulders, holding him there against him.

Yuto left the mirror, just so he could see the two of them, enjoying it on a secret level that he wondered if he dared to admit to either of them. He focused back on the drive, turning the song on the radio up just a bit louder so he could sing along quietly.

Ryosuke’s head lifted when they’d made a turn, blinking sleepily as he remembered where they were, what they were doing. His eyes widened, staring down at the boy in his lap, the swell of emotions rushing through him as he took in his appearance, and normally it would be the time he’d run through his list of all the reasons why loving Yuri was the worst thing he could possibly do—but tonight, thanks to the fuzzy glow around him from the alcohol that was still warming his skin—without any further thought than how much he truly loved this boy—he leaned over, kissing his forehead gently, his lips pressed against his warm skin, lingering there for a moment as he let himself imagine, to pretend that this was real, that this was something that wasn’t impossible.  

There in that moment though?

With the sound of the wind against the car, the soft lull of the motion, and the feeling like the whole space was safe and made for declarations and terms of love and endearment—all of the world seeming a little kinder, a little gentler around him thanks to the alcohol whirling through his veins, it felt like it could be real.

Like, somehow, something like this could really happen.

He sighed softly, kissing him again, and then pulling away reluctantly, a smile spreading across his face at the thought, impossible as it was, he couldn’t be shaken, his eyes moving to look out the window as store lights passed by and then his eyes shifted, and his heart stopped.

Yuto’s eyes were fixed on those facing him in the rearview mirror, and then he hastily looked back at the road, swallowing thickly, trying to figure out how to pretend he hadn’t seen what had just happened.

I’m right!

I knew it!

Ryosuke couldn’t think clearly, couldn’t think of how to explain his actions to Yuto.

Maybe he didn’t see…

Ryosuke was still trying to figure out whether Yuto might have seen the kiss when the car came to a stop, Yuto sitting still in the front seat, “We’re here.”

He glanced over to see Keito still unmoving, and then turned to look at the backseat, his eyes apologetic as he looked into Ryosuke’s, pointing at Yuri, “Do you want me to take him home first?”

“No,” Ryosuke shook his head, “He drank too much, I don’t want him to be alone, it’s dangerous, he can stay here, and I’ll take him home in the morning.”

“Okay,” Yuto agreed, getting out and then opening the door for Ryosuke.

“Yuri?” Ryosuke shook him a bit, “We’re at my house, we need to go inside.”

Yuri didn’t move, didn’t stop the soft puffing sounds that were coming out every three breaths.

Ryosuke looked at Yuto who shrugged.

He shifted, trying to crawl out of the car to get loose from Yuri’s grasp, finally managing, standing outside the car with his hands on his hips. He reached in his pocket, handing Yuto his keys, “You get the door, I’ll get him.”

Yuto nodded, turning to walk up the sidewalk. Ryosuke was glad that Yuri was so small as he shifted him this way and that until he could finally get him lifted into his arms, careful to not hit his head as he pulled him out of the car. Yuto nodded, waiting until they’d cleared the door to close it, following Ryosuke into his house.

Ryosuke leaned over to sit Yuri on the couch, but he whined, a high-pitched protest coming out of his body, and Yuto laughed, his eyebrows raising when Ryosuke glanced at him, “I don’t think he wants to be alone.”

“Right…” Ryosuke shifted, turning to sit on the couch and he reached down, picking up Yuri’s head and shoulders so he could slide under him, settling him back down carefully on him.

Yuri rolled over onto his side, an involuntary action, as his entire body felt like it was operating of its own accord, his head resting on Ryosuke’s knee, his body heavy, and his consciousness begging to be set free, yet, he lingered, somewhere on the cusp between awake and asleep—the whole feeling disorienting.

“So…” Yuto drew the word out, swaying in place before his eyes connected with Ryosuke’s his meaning more than clear when he asked the question, “Are you going to tell him?”

“Oi!” Ryosuke scoffed loudly, surprised at the fact that Yuto was addressing the kiss so directly, “You meant it when you said we weren’t going to have any more walls between us!”

Yuto laughed, raising his eyebrows, “It was your idea, don’t try to blame me, you started it.”

Ryosuke laughed softly, shaking his head, and then Yuto joined him, the tone of his voice soft, “You should tell him, Ryosuke. You like him, he likes you…you need to talk about it.”

“You have no idea about all of it…” Ryosuke stated, not in an accusing or even dismissive way, in a way that said, ‘I’ll tell if you ask’ rather, that he needed someone to talk to about who could give him an open and honest perspective.

“I know more than you think, Yama-chan,” Yuto pronounced, plopping down on the footstool in front of Ryosuke, bending forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

“What the hell does that mean?” Ryosuke asked, narrowing his eyes.

Yuto laughed, raising his hands up in defense, “Don’t get mad, it’s not my fault you guys are subtle as a bull in a china shop.”

“How so?” Ryosuke asked, tilting his head in confusion.

“I see how you have him labeled in your phone when you’re texting him…Do you know what he has you labeled at by any chance?” Ryosuke’s eyes widened a little bit, but that wasn’t really proof anything—still, he shook his head, because he didn’t know.

“’The one’,” Yuto whispered, “That’s what your name is in his phone.”

“That could be anything, you guys call me Ace all the time!”

“It’s not just anything, he isn’t talking about that…C’mon, Ryosuke, don’t be stupid! I shouldn’t have to convince you–I’ve seen you move other people’s designations so that he could sit next to you. I saw you go to management to make sure he would be a part of the show you were on time and again.”

“So…I’d do that fo—”

“Shut up, you wouldn’t—and he wouldn’t either, but he does all those things with you, too. You have no idea, do you?”

Ryosuke stared at Yuto wide-eyed, his eyes bouncing down to Yuri and then back again, “I—I don’t…I dunno…”

“Listen, I mean, who the heck spends four hours picking out the perfect gift for someone’s birthday? You don’t do that forfriends.”

“I do,” Ryosuke answered defensively.

“Really?” Yuto smiled, “You spent four hours picking out the perfect gift card to my favorite camera store?”

Ryosuke frowned, knowing it was true, knowing everything Yuto was saying was completely true, but not feeling like talking anymore—the more that was said the more the nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach kept rising up, stronger and stronger.

“I just…listen, I understand—you should know that. I’m not trying to call you out here—but how long are you guys going to keep doing this? This…pretending?”

Ryosuke’s breath shuddered, and while he wanted to say something, he couldn’t think of what he could possibly say, his mind reeling.

“I saw the way you drew a heart around the date on your calendar for his birthday—when you’d opened it while we were in the waiting area—you were checking the date for the production they called you about yesterday.”

“I’m going to be honest, okay? I have four years of evidence, and we can spend all night going through it—and these are just things from this month, Yama-chan.”

Ryosuke’s eyes widened, and he realized maybe he’d become a little careless, if Yuto could discover so much about his feelings about Yuri.

Or maybe you want Yuri to figure it out.


That can’t happen.

“You are such a…” Ryosuke wanted to raise his voice but didn’t dare with Yuri sleeping in his lap, his voice a low hiss, “You’re such a nosey-ass bitch! I can’t believe you’ve been spying like that!”

Yuto shrugged, “It wasn’t hard, you weren’t exactly subtle, Romeo. Plus, I prefer the term inquisitive, thank you very much.”

“Whatever,” Ryosuke sighed, raising his hand up to press against his eyes as he closed them, “It doesn’t matter, things are what they are and I’m not going to mess things up just because I can’t let this go.”

Why do you need to let it go?” Yuto asked, tapping Ryosuke’s knee so he’d look at him, “Why can’t you two be happy together?”

Ryosuke huffed, raising his arm up to pinch the bridge of his nose, shaking his head, “Listen, I don’t even know how he feels, I don’t even know if he…you know…likes…”

“Likes guys?” Yuto asked pointedly.

“Yeah,” Ryosuke felt stupid for not being willing to say that simple statement out loud.

It wasn’t like he didn’t talk about it.

His parents knew how he felt about Yuri, his sisters too, he’d told them a long time ago—but he’d explained to them that he was married to his job, and it was good that the possibility didn’t exist for them to be together. 

It made things easier for him to be an idol. That was his focus, that was his job. It was a blessing to him, that despite having been around thousands of people in hundreds of different situations, he’d never felt a particular attraction to anyone.

Except Yuri.

“It’s complicated for me…I have…I have so many responsibilities,” Ryosuke murmured, and for a moment Yuto was glad that he wasn’t the center of Jump, despite having wanted that coveted position, because now, he saw the weight of it in this moment, all of the facets of the job clear as Ryosuke sat raw and broken in front of him, his voice shaking when he spoke, “…nothing I do just affects me.Everything I do has ramifications, for me, for everyone.

“That may be true,” Yuto took a deep breath, leaning closer to him, “…but Ryosuke, you also have a responsibility to yourself, to you—to give yourself the freedom to be happy. This life is demanding, and I can’t pretend to fully understand your position, but I do know one thing—no one should have to live a loveless life just because they’re in our profession.”

As Ryosuke contemplated this, Yuri had drifted into a strange awareness, feeling like he was floating in the room, as if his entire body was weightless and he was suspended in some in between place—not fully conscious, but not fully asleep either—and he struggled, hearing Yuto and Ryosuke talking, wanting to join the conversation, but not able to move, not able to force his eyes open.

“Yama-chan, sometimes, even as idols, I think it’s okay for us to push everything else aside and look at what’s best for ourselves. We can’t make everyone happy all the time, it’s not possible. Something like this? This should be something that works that way, that you decide how to handle it based on what is going to be the best thing for you and your life,” Yuto spoke the words softly, imploring him to listen.

“It’s not that simple.”

Yuri wanted to open his eyes, he wanted to see Ryosuke, because the words sounded pained, they sounded like he was suffering, and he wanted to help him, do whatever he could to make it better, but his body refused to listen to him, refused to do what he wanted, rather it felt as if more weight settled on him, and he cursed the drinks he’d had, wishing they’d warned him about this part.

“It is that simple, you’re just a dumb ass!” Yuto laughed softly, and Yuri could tell he was close by, and he wondered absently why they’d let him and Keito drink so much, “You like each other—it’s the simplest thing in the world.”

What…what is he talking about?

Oh, God! Does Ryosuke like someone!?

“Yuto,” Ryosuke’s hand moved across Yuri’s back, and even in his state it felt like there was affection there and he wanted to cry—he wanted to grab it and hold it against him, “It really isn’t. There are a lot of people who would be affected, Jump, our families, a lot of people who could be…hurt…not just me, and…I mean, he could be hurt by them.”

Him? Ryosuke likes a guy? Wait…Ryosuke likes a guy….whoa…

Ryosuke glanced down at Yuri, his hand moving down his arm to rest on his back.

Wait…wait…he likes a guy!

“I just…protecting him is the most important thing. I don’t want him to be hurt. I don’t want him to ever be hurt.”

Oh, NO! God! Please!

Yuri felt his heart stop and he wanted to move, needed to sit up and stop this conversation, stop these words, he wanted to slap his hands over his ears, because if he heard more he was going to die, just die right there with his head on Ryosuke’s lap, his hands tucked under his legs, his arm resting back on his own now, his hand warm where it was laying, and he wanted to cry, he wished he could.

Please, give me a chance, I need to tell you before you decide this!

I need you to know how I feel!

“I mean,” Yuto’s voice was soft, and it was close, and Yuri heard movement, realizing that he was sitting on the stool that was in front of the couch, “I’m not going to pretend to know everything, but I…I’ve seen how he looks at you, Yama-chan, and I have heard the things he says, I mean, he doesn’t even try to pretend that he doesn’t see you like that—”

Oh God, oh God…Ryosuke likes someone and they like him, too.

“—and the thing is, I don’t think it’s an act—you know how he is on shows and interviews and stuff…and…I just think, I’m right, okay? I think he’s crazy about you.”

I’m crazy about you!

Ryosuke didn’t blink, didn’t look away, didn’t mince words—he was deadly serious, “I can’t take that chance.”

Please, please, give me a chance!

“What chance?”

“The chance that you’re wrong,” Ryosuke whispered, his voice filled with pain, his eyes closing tightly at the very thought, “I can’t lose him, I can’t take that chance, I’d rather have him in my life as a friend, than to lose him—he’s always been a permanent part of my world, since we were kids. I can’t take a chance he’d walk away.”

Who? Wait…who? Since they were kids?

“I don’t think for a second that would happen.”

I can’t take the chance,” Ryosuke repeated, “I need him in my life, in whatever capacity,” Ryosuke’s hand clenched Yuri’s shoulder, “I can’t…I can’t even imagine losing him, okay? I mean it, I can’t…”

Yuri played the words over in his head…wait…wait…are they talking…are they talking about me?

“It’s just you—only you, that thinks there’s even a remote possibility that he doesn’t feel that way about you,” Yuto insisted, “I know I’m right. Yuri loves you.”

I do love you!

I do!

Ryosuke’s hand shifted, moving across Yuri’s shoulder, his eyes fixed on the boy in his lap and he tried to imagine it, imagine the chance that Yuri could feel the same way about him, that he could want the same things he did. His hand moved slowly across his neck, his fingers lifting as he drew them through his soft hair, wanting to kick his own ass when he realized he was kinda glad he’d passed out stone cold drunk, just because he’d had a little too much himself, and he found that despite him telling his hand to stop touching him—he couldn’t.

“I love him.”

I love you!

He didn’t mean for the words to come out, he thought them and then they spilled out, just fell out without inhibition.

“I know,” Yuto sighed, and he shifted, standing up, “You need to tell him that.”

The room was silent, and then Yuto shifted, “I’m going home, you need to go to bed, we shouldn’t have done this when we have work tomorrow.”

“At least we don’t have to be there until noon,” Ryosuke smiled, his eyes moving to the clock to see it was nearly eleven.

Yuri could hear Yuto moving around, and if he could have made himself laugh he would have at his words, “I’m taking Keito to my house since he’s still passed out in my car—the kid can’t hold his alcohol at all—you should have warned me, you idiot. At least I know all he’ll do is throw up and then cry—who can guess what Yuri is going to be like, besides—you only need one hung-over patient to deal with.”

“Thanks, Yutti,” Ryosuke whispered, “For…everything.”

“Thank you, Ryosuke, for everything too,” Yuto smiled, pointing to Yuri and then nodding, “Talk to him,” pulling the door closed behind him, having set the lock, and headed to his car to take care of Keito.

Ryosuke looked down at Yuri, feeling overwhelmed by his affection for him, wanting to tell him, wanting him to know, but he was plagued with doubts, with fears, with uncertainty—and he meant it, meant that he would die if he lost Yuri.

There was no world he could imagine without him in it. It made his chest feel weighted and crushed at the thought. He was a cornerstone in his world, a part of his very foundation and there would be no recovering from the void his life would become without him.

I can’t lose him. I can’t. There’s no way, I can’t risk it.

He shifted, lifting Yuri up to move out from under him, and Yuri finally was able to make a sound, a low growl of protest coming out of him as he felt the cool couch pillow shoved under his head—desperately wanting to feel Ryosuke’s warmth again.

His eyes wouldn’t open so he just growled again, irritated at his own body.

“Calm down,” Ryosuke leaned close to him, “I’ll be right back, I’m going to get you some water to drink before you sleep.”

The sound of water made him frown, all he wanted to do was sleep, sleep and tell Ryosuke how much loved him.

Either one or the other or both in no particular order.

He didn’t know how much time had passed, startling when he felt Ryosuke touch him, “Hey, I’m gonna help you sit up, okay?”

He groaned, not sure what that meant, but whatever.

He felt his body shift, and Ryosuke had an arm under his, lifting him up off the couch, and he felt like he wasn’t walking, though he knew he somehow was, and he blinked, watching as the hallway passed by, then he was laying down on a soft, pillowy surface and he smiled, humming in contentment, the scent of Ryosuke filling all his senses.

“Hey, hey, don’t fall back to sleep yet,” Ryosuke spoke quickly, pushing his arm under Yuri’s shoulders to force him to sit up, shaking him lightly, as he sat down beside him on the bed, supporting him.

“Tired,” Yuri whined, trying to flop backward but Ryosuke wasn’t having any of it.

“You can sleep after you drink some water.”

“Do not want.”

Ryosuke shook him lightly, shaking his head, “I don’t care if you ‘do not want’—you have to drink it, it will help you in the morning, just a few sips.”

Yuri fussed, most of the words incoherent but Ryosuke felt pretty sure he was cursing at him, which just made him laugh under his breath, as Yuri attempted to drink from the straw Ryosuke had pushed into his mouth, taking a few sips, and then crying out, pitiful, “Sleep?”

Ryosuke laughed, slowly lowering him back down onto the pillow before he shifted, starting to stand up. As he turned to move to the door, Yuri’s arms grasped tightly around his waist, “Don’t go.”

Ryosuke clenched his eyes shut, his expression pained, because it was just too much, he needed to think and get his head together, but Yuri was whimpering softly behind him, and Ryosuke turned slowly, pushing back on Yuri’s shoulders, trying to get him to let go, “I’ll be right out there.”

Yuri pulled him roughly, and Ryosuke’s knee hit the bed, his hand landing to the side of Yuri’s head, stopping himself from falling over on top of him, Yuri’s tone petulant, “No! Stay.”

Ryosuke had figured that he would either be a total brat when he was drunk or a weepy crybaby—and at this point, he wasn’t sure which he might prefer, and despite that, he couldn’t help but feel butterflies in his tummy at how close he was to him right now

“Please?” Yuri frowned, his eyes blinking as he tried to stay awake, his bottom lip jutting out, and there was a part of Ryosuke at war, wanting to just move the few inches forward and kiss him, his heart shaped lips so enticing, just do it, just get the whole sordid mess out in the open, but he’d never take advantage of Yuri like that, not when he was so vulnerable.

Yuri’s face crumpled, his words broken, “Please, stay with me.”

The words were soft and Ryosuke could tell he was working himself up into a frenzy, ready to burst into tears and he rolled his eyes, because of course, naturally, Yuri was BOTH a brat and a crier.

“Okay, okay, calm down,” Ryosuke whispered softly, “but you have to move over a bit, Yur.”

Yuri nodded, and he tried to move, but his body was clumsy, and he couldn’t really figure out how to move very well, but it didn’t really matter, because Ryosuke just slid in under the covers when there was enough room for him, his arms moving under his head as he laid there, intent on getting up the moment Yuri fell back to sleep.

That was the plan, until Ryosuke’s breath caught in his throat, his entire body frozen when without another word Yuri wrapped himself around him, curling his body against his. He immediately fell sound asleep, and Ryosuke could feel his heart pounding from the way his warmth was seeping from his small body onto his, and the way his arm was wrapped around his stomach, his fingers twisted up in his t-shirt, his face pressed against his neck, his soft breath tickling his skin there, and he could feel his heartbeat on his chest.

He leaned his head up to look at him, to try to memorize the picture, of his arm holding him him, one of his legs thrown across his own, like he was taking possession of him.

I’ll be yours.

Just ask me.

I’ll be yours forever.

He drew his arms down, slowly, one of them wrapping around him to hold him there against him, the other trembling when he drew his fingers forward, brushing against his cheek, smiling when he snored softly in his sleep.

He’s the most adorable human in existence.

I love him.

Say it. Just say it, one time, just say it to him.

He’s sleeping. You can say it to him.

“God,” Ryosuke leaned up, the battle lost, a tear falling down his cheek as he pressed his lips to Yuri’s forehead, his hand gently stroking his cheek, “I love you, Chinen Yuri,” Ryosuke’s words were firm, spoken with conviction, as his eyes fluttered closed, laying his head back on his pillow, exhaustion spreading throughout all of his senses, “I will always love you.”

Yuri stretched, and then he jerked forward, his stomach lurching, and he stumbled as he flew off the bed, his leg caught in the sheet, and he didn’t know where he was, but then strong arms grabbed him around the waist and guided him to the bathroom, his eyes closed sharply at the stark bright light, and then the light was gone and there was just a soft glow, and then he was bent over, the contents of his stomach expelled violently.

He groaned, and then another wave hit him, and he dropped, his hands landing on the toilet seat as he retched again, and he realized that someone’s hand was touching his back, rubbing there softly.

“Take a breath,” Ryosuke’s voice was soft and Yuri felt soothed by his presence, realizing he’d helped him to the bathroom.

Ryosuke shifted forward, squatting down next to him as he reached over to run a soft, cool washcloth over his face, and Yuri hummed at the way it felt on his skin, his voice coarse and rough, “Whe—where’s my phone?”

“In the bedroom,” Ryosuke responded, tilting his head, “Why?”

“I need to dial 911. I’m dying.”

Ryosuke laughed then, covering his mouth so he wouldn’t be too loud, but it didn’t matter, Yuri still groaned at the noise and then shoved him causing him to lose his balance, landing sprawled out on the floor, not bothering to muffle his laughter which made Yuri slap his legs before he shifted forward, leaning over the toilet, worried he might be sick again.

Ryosuke moved next to him, his hand on his back, “You okay?”

The wave of nausea passed, and Yuri nodded, “For now,” he shifted, moving his legs out as he leaned against the cabinet, “I’m never drinking again.”

Ryosuke laughed, “That’s what they all say.”

“I mean it,” he reached up to hold his head, “It feels like my head is trying to explode, there’s no way it was worth it, I don’t even remember anything after you and Yuto talking about your feelings.”

Ryosuke’s eyes widened, his heart stopped, as he swallowed the lump that had risen in his throat, his mind fixated on the feelings that he’d discussed with Yuto the night before—the feelings he has for Yuri.

Yuri opened his eyes, shaking his head and then groaning, “I am glad that you two talked about all of that stuff from when we first debuted.”

Oh, God…oh, God…thank you, thank you….thank you…

“Yeah,” Ryosuke laughed nervously, “It’s good…really good.”

“You should talk about things before they weigh on you like that,” Yuri nodded his head, then frowned at how it made the room spin.

“I’m never letting you drink again,” Ryosuke teased, “Not if you’re going to be Dr. Phil the next morning.”

“Oh, shut up!” Yuri laughed lightly, reaching up to take Ryosuke’s hand as he offered to help him stand up. They walked into the bedroom, which gave Yuri pause as he glanced back at Ryosuke who was leaning against the doorway, pointing to the nightstand where Yuri had apparently been sleeping which held two glasses and some pills, “Drink half of the water, take those pills, then drink half of the juice. Do it slowly or it’ll make you sick again.”

Yuri looked over at him, “Alright, where are you going?”

“Shower,” Ryosuke glanced at the clock, then gestured behind him, “We’ve got two hours and I figure we need to go by your house to get your stuff, right?”

He’s thought of everything. 

Of course, because he’s Ryosuke.

Yuri nodded, moving over to sit on the bed slowly as Ryosuke disappeared back into the bathroom to shower, taking in the drinks and pills and feeling like he was just about as well taken care of any guy could ever be all things considered.

He pulled the blanket up, wrapping it around his shoulders as he took a sip of the cool water. Trying to think about the night before, he couldn’t really find it in himself to be embarrassed, though he was sure he should be since he could have done or said anything.

And I apparently slept in Yama-chan’s bed. 

We haven’t done that in years…like since we were sixteen, seventeen, or something…

His heart stopped. The reason he’d insisted on them no longer sharing a bed coming to the forefront of his mind.

Did I say anything? Do anything? 

Oh my God. What if…what if….

Stop it.

Nothing happened.

I mean I read that thing about guys who are drunk…so yeah…nothing happened, and I probably didn’t say anything.

No…surely not, since Yama-chan is acting normal, there’s no way.

He looked beside him, shifting to take in the bed, and he was positive that Ryosuke had slept there with him, the pillow beside his still holding the shape of someone’s head having been there—though he couldn’t make out any details in his blurry memories, which made him beyond frustrated.

In thinking over the night, all he really could come up with was a strong sense of contentment. Nothing else, not even really anything negative or worrisome, so he decided if he did anything stupid they would most certainly tell him, repeatedly, about them.

God, there’s probably videos.

He groaned, not particularly looking forward to work now. Though, he felt a sense of happiness, sitting there feeling comfort and joy at being taken care of by Ryosuke.

It’s almost is enough make me able to dream that he could really love me.

Maybe not that kind of love, but his own kind, and that’s enough.

It has to be enough.

I’ll always be happy with him the way he is, friendship is happy.

Yes, I’m happy with him as a friend.

Well, happy…probably not the right description…maybe, just thankful is enough, isn’t it?

He stared at the pillow next to him, rolling over and burying his face in it, inhaling deeply of the scent that was all Ryosuke, and smiling.

It’s enough.

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