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[24] Always (April 2019)
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Reading Time: 9 minutes
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Idol

Yamada Ryosuke & Chinen Yuri

Relationship

Yamada x Chinen

Ship Name

Yamachii
Yamachine

Type

Collection

Genre

Angst, Fluffy, romance, taking care of each other, tho Yuri is about to lose it, not gonna lie, worried Yuri, overwhelmed Yama-chan, HURT/COMFORT

Rating

PG-13

Warnings

MxM Relationship

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Synopsis

Ryosuke returns home from out of town shooting for his recent film, and Yuri discovers how seriously he’s been taking his role…again.

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Music Inspiration: Walk Through Hell by Say Anything

Ryosuke slowly opened the door, holding his breath as he moved into the darkness, trying his best to keep from making any noise as he tiptoed into the bedroom. It was nearly 2am and he knew Yuri had to work tomorrow so he was determined to do his best to not wake up him up even though it’s really all he wanted to do. 

He’d been gone on location for three weeks when they’d managed to wrap up those scenes early, so he’d methodically worn down his manager with his incessant begging and bargaining in a clear effort to persuade his manager to get him back home instead of waiting for the train the next day. He knew his behavior was reprehensible but he couldn’t make himself even care, he just really wanted to get home.

It had been a challenging shoot, and all he wanted to do was to get home and find comfort in Yuri’s embrace.

In the end, he was glad he had such a good rapport with his manager, which probably kept him from killing him after four hours of his nonstop whining.  
It wasn’t that his manager minded, in the end he admitted he was more than happy to head home early as well, if for no other reason to spend time with his real children versus the big child Ryosuke often was, leading him to contemplate if he was his manager or his baby sitter sometimes. 

Ryosuke was too happy to be even remotely offended by the comment, self-aware enough to shrug off the assessment because he recognized the validity of it in truth.

He grinned as his fingers delicately held the tiny spun glass animal he’d purchased for Yuri to add to his menagerie, having been delighted to discover it at the little boutique by the hotel he’d been staying at–imagining how excited he was going to be when he woke up and saw it. The noise of the glass animal sliding on the surface of the nightstand seemed deafening, pushing it into the center quickly, cringing while listening to see if there were any noises to indicate he’d awakened Yuri as he carefully toed off his shoes. 

His breath caught as his eyes finally adjusted and his eyes landed on Yuri sleeping peacefully in their bed. He was laying on his back, the covers wrecked all around him as he had clearly been restless in his sleep. His hair was a messy halo covering the pillow, his hand clutching the teddy bear he’d named Ryosuke a few years ago, who only made an appearance when Ryosuke went on location–or if he had to travel himself. 

Ryosuke’s heart swelled as he took in his sweet expression in his sleep, his chest rising slowly with the ebb and flow of life and all he could think was how truly, and deeply blessed he was. 

And tired.

So much tiredness.

He moved his shoes to the side, planning to take them out in the morning, but he was too excited to stop at the door, just dropping everything in his haste to reach Yuri, taking a moment to inhale deeply, trying to refocus himself, to center his body, mind, and soul to relax, to feel the comfort of being home.

He cautiously stripped down, careful to minimize the noise, finally sliding into the bed, the overwhelming desire to grab Yuri and drag him over into his embrace nearly overwhelming as he shifted onto his side, his chest tight with emotion at the sweet expression on his husband’s face. 

He needs to rest.

I need to rest.

I’m so tired.

He’s the most beautiful person in the whole wide wor…

He felt the fuzzy edges of the space between sleep and awareness merging together, having thrown himself onto his back at some point in his sleep he grinned as he became aware of the heavy touch of Yuri’s body against his own, arms lifting instinctively to encircle him. Humming softly as he felt Yuri burrow even closer into him, his breath soft on his neck, “Good morning…I didn’t know you were coming home…”

Yuri wiggled to lift up onto his elbow, looking down at Ryosuke who was sleepily blinking his eyes against the light filtering in through the window, their eyes connecting for a moment before Yuri leaned up to press a tender kiss against his soft lips.

“Good morning,” Ryosuke mumbled lazily before his hand lifted, threading through the hair at the base of Yuri’s neck, guiding him back down as he took his time to slowly entangle him into what he’d deem a more proper welcome home kiss.

Yuri groaned, desperate to be nearer to him, shifting against him to throw his leg across his, somehow wanting to crawl inside him as it felt he couldn’t possibly get close enough to him,his fingertips gliding across his abdomen, delicate on the skin as he fe–

He froze.

His eyes popped open wide.

It took a moment for Ryosuke to realize Yuri was stone still, drawing back a bit to get a better look at him in an attempt to understand what was happening only to discover his eyes filled with flames.

Ryosuke tilted his head, blinking as he tried to decipher the heavy, angry aura that was now palatable between them.

Yuri’s teeth were clenched tightly, the muscle twitching in his jaw as he inhaled sharply, the words a growl, “What the fuck is this!?”

“Wha–” 

Before Ryosuke could respond, Yuri had flown upward, jerking the covers away from them both, his expression full of fury, his eyes apprising Ryosuke’s form, and then moving to connect with his own, whose brows furrowed as he tried to identify the emotion emanating from Yuri’s stiff form.

Ryosuke didn’t have any issues with Yuri looking at his naked body, as insecure as he was with the world at large, he found only acceptance with Yuri, finding zero shame or embarrassment in it at this point in their marriage, and certainly under normal circumstances he’d welcome him to peruse and explore all he desired, but there was something in Yuri’s expression that made him want to shrink away from him, lifting his hand to try to pull Yuri back into his arms, only to frown when he locked his arms, refusing to be moved.

Ryosuke was puzzled, tilting his head, “Chiisana, what’s wrong?”

There was a single moment in time where he sincerely thought Yuri was going to explode, his cheeks turning red all the way to his ears, his eyes narrowing as he inhaled sharply like he could barely control his rage, and then his head dropped, chin on his chest, eyes clenched shut, his voice a defeated whisper, “He asks me ‘what’s wrong’…”

Confusion swirled in Ryosuke’s mind, still half asleep, and the other part of himself having been caught up in the morning kiss and the promises held within, too befuddled to make any sense of Yuri’s behavior. 

“What’s happening?” Ryosuke whispered, his hand brushing against Yuri’s cheek, pressing against it in an effort to turn his head so he could see him better, biting his lip at seeing the evident pain in his expression when his eyes opened to connect with his own.

“Ryosuke…” his name was a whisper, hardly even a breath as Yuri’s expression morphed from one of raw fury into something else, something sorrowful, gentle in nature, softer on the edges, his head shaking as his chest expanded, finally releasing the breath he’d been holding.

Without a word he twisted, his fingertips grazing up across the flat planes of Ryosuke’s body, smoothing past his belly button, stopping at his ribs, the tips of his finger tracing the line of one of his ribs from his abdomen to his side, causing his skin to pebble from the chills it sent through him.

He lifted his head to watch Yuri’s fingers, understanding flooding through him as he realized what he was upset about when his fingers moved lower, to slowly caress his hipbone, jutting unnaturally from his hip.

Ryosuke groaned, throwing himself back onto the pillow dramatically, the arm that wasn’t pinned under Yuri’s form raising to cover his face, his voice soft, “Don’t be mad, they didn’t ask me to do it.”

Yuri grunted, displeasure at the explanation evident, and Ryosuke wished he could make Yuri understand that sometimes he needed to do these things, that he needed to do them to effectively play a character, and though it always upset Yuri beyond consolation, Ryosuke had told him more than once it wasn’t something he was willing to negotiate about.

How many doors and hallways lead to their kitchen?

Sure…(the answer is two hallways and three doors)

Whether to make the walls in the bathing section of their master suite’s bathroom clear glass?

Alright…(the answer is yes)

If he should put his body through the stress and demands that certain roles required of him, even if it was from his own perception or methodology and not specifically requested by the staff?

Non-negotiable.

He would always do whatever it took to give the best performance he could possibly give, even if it meant struggling and suffering in his own ways–after all, he always used a trainer and a dietitian to oversee him so he didn’t get too sick, and he never intended to go too far with it, as it was usually only for a very short period of time when he had to facilitate the appearance of being unhealthy or on death’s doorstep.

“I hate it,” Yuri whispered, his finger tracing the hard edge of Ryosuke’s jaw by his ear, the way it was protruding, his neck sunken in making his stomach clench, “I hate when you do this to yourself…”

Ryosuke drew his arm away, blinking up at Yuri who was leaning over him, eyes wide in concern, and Ryosuke felt like his heart swell at how truly loved he was, “I love you, Ree, I’m sorry I couldn’t have been better before coming home.”

Yuri laughed, shaking his head, “You fool, I don’t want you to be better, I want you to not do this to yourself in the first place,” he frowned, his eyes imploring, sighing as he leaned forward to make sure Ryosuke saw the truth in his eyes, “It scares the hell out of me–I couldn’t really tell you how I felt when you did it before, but now I can.”

Ryosuke nodded, understanding, knowing full well he’d one-hundred percent kick Yuri’s ass himself if he tried to pull some stupid stunt like this for the sake of a role–but he couldn’t see himself the same way somehow…there was more to it, more that he had to do, to prove, to show, and because of that, it didn’t seem extreme…didn’t feel like too much, though he knew even as he was doing it that Yuri was going to be upset over it.

Yuri bowed his head, lifting his eyes to hold Ryosuke’s, his voice leveled, the words firm, “It scares me to death.”

“I know,” Ryosuke lifted his chin when Yuri bent down to press a soft kiss against his his jaw where his eyes had been focused before, “I know, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to do that…”

“I need you,” Yuri whispered, lifting his head to stare at Ryosuke, “I–I don’t know what I’d do without you…”

Ryosuke swallowed roughly, his eyes soft as he agreed, “Me too…”

“I wish I could…” Yuri sighed, his head shaking but then stilling when Ryosuke’s fingers cupped his cheek, his eyes tender when he looked up at him, “I just wish I could do it…help you…”

Ryosuke smiled, lifting his head to press a delicate kiss against his lips, wishing he had eloquent words to express how much he understood that sentiment, how truly and deeply he knew the truth about how far Yuri would go for him and equally to ensure Yuri knew the same of him–yet, somehow he was positive he knew.

A moment passed, both of them allowing the power of their connection to be felt in the air around them, their souls united even as unspoken words flowed between them, affirming the truth of their love, of their affection for one another.

Yuri held Ryosuke’s eyes, looking for something, somehow reading him even though Ryosuke wasn’t entirely sure what he was looking to find. It was clear to him when he found it, as Yuri nodded, solemnly, turning his head to press his lips against Ryosuke’s palm before he brushed his hand away. Ryosuke watched as Yuri traced a line across his chest, moving to his ribs where he pressed tender kisses against each one, something he was certain others might somehow find enticing or erotic, but that’s not what this was despite neither of them having clothes on and being in their bed–rather, when Yuri’s eyes lifted to look at Ryosuke, his lips moving softly against his skin, he saw the reverence, the way he was trying to somehow communicate to his very core that he was necessary, loved, cherished. 

Ryosuke felt it then, the flooding across his body as if coaxed from hiding by Yuri’s lips, rushing across his very soul, the nearly overwhelming feeling swelling as it moved and grew causing him to gasp as the first tear pooled at the corner of his eye, slowly making a path down his cheek as his fingers twisted in Yuri’s hair as if to anchor himself to him.

“I know, it’s okay,” Yuri whispered, his eyes soft and tender on him as he continued to caress his skin, brushing his lips against the parts of Ryosuke’s body that told him the truth about his condition, physically, and maybe even more so emotionally. 

He shifted, moving to wrap himself around Ryosuke, their arms and legs tangling together, grasping around him desperately to draw him closer still, his breath soft on his neck as he held him tightly, wanting to calm the trembling from his tears, “It’s okay, you’re home now…you’re here…”

Ryosuke felt the stress of the last few weeks, the demands of the role, the way he’d had to live in self-denial, the way he’d abused his body to ensure he’d be able to adequately portray his characterization of the role, the fandom’s chaos about his solo release, the words, the pain, the discouragement, all of it combining within him into a disarrayed cocktail of messy feels and desperate need for Yuri, for his comfort, for him to tame the wild thoughts, and remind him that everything was going to be okay. 

That he was safe, that now, he was there, was home, was where he belonged, protected, beloved…and he had the sanctuary to let go of the mask, the act that he all too often had to show everyone else–within the security of Yuri’s arms he had the freedom to fall apart.

So he did.

And Yuri would…in the way only he ever could, because he knew and understood Ryosuke better than anyone, through his unwavering love, devotion without limitations…like every other time, Yuri would once again put him back together, like every single time before, and surely every single time yet to come.

Always.

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