Yamada Ryosuke & Chinen Yuri
Yamada x Chinen
Pining at its best, falling in love, lots of tension, little bit of angst, these dumb boys tho, sweet love, first love, discovery, slice of life, unrequited love, yutti is helping the best he can, I love these boys
Music Inspiration: Crash & Burn by Savage Garden
December 18, 2013
Ryosuke bolted up in bed, confused, rubbing his eyes, and then he realized his cellphone was buzzing on the nightstand. He reached over, his heart thrumming in his chest when he saw Yuri’s picture lighting up the screen.
“What’s wrong?” his didn’t try to temper the panic in his voice, his feet hitting the floor, ready to move, his breath caught in his throat when all he could hear was Yuri crying softly.
“Yuri!” he stood up, turning, his eyes darting around the room, trying to figure out where his wallet was, “What’s wrong, what’s going on?”
“What?” Ryosuke was rushing through the living room, grabbing his wallet off the kitchen counter, then his keys by the door, darting out the doorway to his car, “I’m on my way, are you okay? Are you hurt? Are you bleeding?”
“Okay,” Ryosuke started the car, putting on his seatbelt and began driving toward Yuri’s house which was blessedly only about ten minutes from his, likely faster thanks to his concern and that there was no traffic on the roads at two in the morning, “I’m on my way, okay? What happened, Yur?”
“I…I didn’t think about it…and then they…and I thought…I just…it’s horrible,” Yuri wailed in the phone and all Ryosuke could imagine were the million tragic things that might have happened, his skin cold from sweat as he sped up.
“I’m almost there.”
When Ryosuke pulled into the driveway he tried to get out of the car, nearly choking himself on the seatbelt, cursing it as he disengaged and finally stepped out onto the driveway, moving quickly up the walk to the front door, knocking on it, “Yuri! It’s me!”
The door opened wide, and Yuri was standing there, his Cars pajamas loose, a knit cap on his head, and tears streaming down his face, “Yama-chan…I…I…”
Ryosuke stepped into the house when he burst into tears, pushing the door closed, and then pulling him into a hug, “I’m here, you’re okay, it’s okay, Yuri, shhh…calm down.”
Yuri just cried harder at the soft tone of Ryosuke’s voice, his arms moving up to hold him tightly around the chest, his arms locked behind him, and he felt Ryosuke sway softly, his hand gentle on his back as he rubbed up and down, trying to soothe him.
Ryosuke started to shuffle them into the living room, hoping to somehow figure out what was happening, his eyes flitting around the room frantically looking for clues but finding none, “Yuri, you gotta tell me what’s happening, please, I can’t help if I don’t know what’s going on.”
His hands released him, when he took a shuddering breath, pulling back out of his arms to stand in front of him, and Ryosuke wasn’t sure he’d ever seen a more pitiful Yuri and he’d seen this guy when he’d woken up from horrible nightmares, when he’d lost loved ones, or beloved pets, when he didn’t win at something he had his heart set on, but this…this was the worst of all of them, and he couldn’t begin to imagine what could have happened to cause him to be so broken.
He watched as Yuri’s hand trembled, reaching up to grab the knit hat that was wrapped around his head, and slowly he pulled it off, and Ryosuke blinked, his head tilting slightly, and then, when Yuri whimpered softly, his head falling down on his chest, he couldn’t help but laugh.
“Shut up! Don’t laugh! It’s the worst thing you could do!”
Ryosuke cleared his throat, trying to school his response, his voice, “I wasn’t laughing at you, I promise…I just…are you upset because of your haircut?”
“Upset?” Yuri cried out, throwing his hands up in the air, “Upset? No! I’m devastated! LOOK AT MY HAIR!”
His hands flew up into his hair, grabbing at the short ends of it and yanking upward making it spike out from his head, and Ryosuke tried, he really did try, but he couldn’t help it when he laughed again, which infuriated Yuri.
He growled, turning away from him and storming through the house, “Get out! I don’t want you here!”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Ryosuke called out, still laughing, “I don’t understand, you look fine, what are you so upset about?”
“THIS!” Yuri turned before he could enter the hallway, pointing to his hair, “It’s a travesty and I don’t know how to fix it because we’re shooting the video in two days!!! TWO DAYS!!!”
The picture was starting to become clear for Ryosuke and as he looked at Yuri, standing there completely disheveled in his Cars pajamas, tears still wet on his face, yet completely irate about the condition of his hair, he admonished himself for the thought that spun through his mind that he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen him look more adorable.
Maybe on his birthday.
Yeah, that’s true…his birthday.
Ryosuke moved across the room, Yuri’s bottom lip jutting out as he approached him, “I think your hair looks good.”
“Don’t lie to me,” Yuri hissed, his frown deepening.
“I don’t lie to you, Yuri, you know this,” Ryosuke stated plainly, “I don’t know what your problem is, it’s different, sure, but…I mean, it looks fine, you look really good.”
Yuri’s eyes snapped to his, “You don’t like me with short hair, you said that when we were filming ‘Ride with Me’ and they styled it with all of it pushed back and made it look short on the sides! You told me you didn’t like it!”
“I’m sure that’s not exactly what I said,” Ryosuke frowned, knowing precisely what he’d said, and that was pretty close to it, and he also knew why the words had blurted out but not really wanting to address it.
That entire shoot had been a challenge thanks to how absurdly gorgeous Yuri had looked in the white suit they’d put him in and then he had to dance some of the most engaging parts in front of him instead of behind—it just meant that he had to keep his head straight which put him in a solemn mood thanks to trying to keep his head in the game and do his job properly.
“You said, ‘I don’t know if I like it’ and then you left the room without another word!” Yuri snapped, reaching over to shove Ryosuke’s shoulder for emphasis.
I did say that. I did…because he looked so much older, so much more mature, and I don’t want other people to see him the way I do. I don’t want anyone to see him as anything other than tiny Yuri—no one needs to see what I see.
So selfish, so utterly selfish.
I love him, it’s not selfish.
I can’t even care, I don’t want to watch him fall in love with someone and die from the pain, I can’t imagine it.
“I…okay…I guess I did say that, but it’s not what I meant, I didn’t mean it like the way it sounded…”
“I don’t know how it could be misinterpreted,” Yuri stated firmly, “I didn’t misunderstand it.”
“You did, though, but…I mean…Yuri—I like you no matter what you do with your hair,” Ryosuke felt like his throat had closed up at how clearly the statement had come out of his mouth, and a fear swelled up in him instantly that he’d just gone too far, but it was like Yuri didn’t take the meaning at all.
“That’s not what you said, and now look at me! I could have shaved my head and it would have been better than this horrifying mess!”
You’d still be gorgeous.
Ryosuke grabbed Yuri’s shoulders, dragging him over to the couch and pushing him so he’d sit down, then he slid over the ottoman in front of him, plopping down on it and then forcing him to look into his eyes, “I like your hair, you look great, and you can wear your hair any way you want it! Besides, your hair grows so fast it will be back to your normal style in a month if you decide you don’t like this style! It’s okay to try new things!”
Just…please, don’t let others see what I do.
Please, don’t let others see what I see in you.
“But the video is the day after tomorrow,” Yuri shook his head, “I meant to just have it trimmed, but she asked me about trying something different and I don’t know, I just thought…I hadn’t done anything new in a while—but I didn’t know she meant this!”
“I think you look very good,” Ryosuke admitted, “I don’t mind it at all.”
“But…you like me with long hair,” Yuri whispered.
“And you like me with blonde hair, but I don’t leave it blonde all the time just because of that, right? It’s no different, is it?” Ryosuke couldn’t be bothered to dissect how weird this entire conversation was, he was too tired for that.
“Let me see,” Ryosuke leaned forward, pulling Yuri’s chin up, and then moving his hands through Yuri’s short hair, pulling and pushing and styling it and then leaning back to look at it, “Like I said, you look really good!”
You always look really good.
Yuri stared at Ryosuke, looking for the lie in him and found none, “Really?”
“I promise,” Ryosuke smiled, “You look really good no matter how you wear your hair. This makes your eyes bright and shows off your cheeks, it makes you look a little older to be honest…not sure how I feel about that, but it does. I don’t mind it, you look great.”
“You really promise?”
‘Yes,” Ryosuke shifted, leaning forward, and despite meaning for it to feel more like he was making a sincere promise, the entire tone of the moment felt like something else, charged and electric with something between the two of him, yet he knew it was just wishful thinking.
Yuri held his breath as Ryosuke shifted forward toward him and in his mind, all he could think was how simple it would be to just close the distance between them, just let his feelings be known—but he knew that Ryosuke wasn’t thinking of him like that, pulling his lip between his teeth, biting it hard to keep from acting, feeling like the air was tingling against his skin.
Ryosuke’s eyes snapped to Yuri’s mouth where he drew his bottom lip inward, his top teeth biting into the plump, roundness, and he shifted, moving back before he did something he couldn’t take back, reaching up to ruffle Yuri’s hair, a playful gesture meant to dispel whatever strange aura was forming around them, standing up quickly and putting distance between the two of them.
Ryosuke stared at the floor between the two of them.
I can’t keep doing this.
Yuri stared at the floor between the two of them.
I can’t keep doing this.
December 19, 2013
They’d been rehearsing the dance that for some reason management had decided, in all their infinite wisdom, it would make good sense to teach them the day before the actual video shoot for at least four hours. They were all exhausted and tired, but still excited because the dance was unique, and the costumes were gorgeous, and they were all very excited about the outcome…how amazing the video was bound to be as long as they could pull off the dance.
They were sprawled out across the practice room, drinking water and catching their breath. Ryosuke had backed up against one of the mirrored walls, drawing up his knees to rest his arms on them as he bowed his head down, tired from the late night before. Yuri had offered for him to just spend the night but to him, well, he couldn’t see how spending that kind of time together would make things any easier to deal with at this point.
He had no idea what he was going to do, but he needed a game plan because his feelings were slowly becoming nearly overwhelming. His mind drifted back, over and over again, to Yuri’s birthday, to that moment when he’d touched his lips to Yuri’s skin, when Yuri had curled around him, the way he felt, the way he smelled, the way he looked.
Fuck. Stop it! You’re working.
He kept his head down, opening his eyes to stare at the gray floor, not looking up when he heard some of the guys talking, others moving, and the music started back up, someone moving in front of the mirror to practice the dance further.
It only took Ryosuke a moment to feel the connect, and he realized it was Yuri. He lifted his head, discovering him staring at the mirror with great concentration, pacing through his dance moves fluidly, the muscles of his abdomen stretching the tight white t-shirt he was wearing, the loose-fitting sweatpants falling down slightly as he moved, the tiniest sliver of skin showing between the two when he would raise his arms, and Ryosuke couldn’t stop the way he had to lick his lips, needing to feel some kind of sensation.
Stop watching him, for the love of God.
He tried, he ordered himself in no uncertain terms to stop watching him, but he just couldn’t, his eyes fixated on his movements, on the way his hips moved, and then his body waved as he slid backward, and there was nothing more breathtaking in the world than when Yuri was dancing with confidence, watching him move his body in perfect precision with the music—clearly not needing any further practice, but determined to do this best.
The more Ryosuke watched the more convinced he became that the choreographers were actually trying to kill him between ‘Ride with Me’ and this…clearly there was a conspiracy of some sort because not only did they give Yuri a lot of really amazing dance moves, nearly all of them happened when he was in front of Ryosuke, not when he was in back.
They’re definitely out to kill me.
Death by Chinen.
What a way to go, though…
His head snapped to the side when someone bumped into him, having been so lost in his own thoughts he didn’t even notice Yuto approach. He watched as he slid down the glass to sit next to him, and when he turned his eyes to him he saw they were lit with amusement.
“If you keep staring at him like that, everyone is going to know how you feel about him,” Yuto whispered, laughing softly as he turned to look up at Yuri.
“Shut up!” Ryosuke hissed, shoving Yuto with his shoulder.
Yuto laughed, shoving him back, and then wrapped his arm around his shoulder, “Why haven’t you talked to him?”
“It’s not the right time.”
“When is the right time?”
“I don’t know,” Ryosuke admitted, sighing as he bent his head down.
“I’m no expert in things, so I mean, I can’t tell you what to do, but…Yama-chan…you need to figure out what the right time is…or…you may end up with no time at all.”
Ryosuke turned his head to look up at Yuto who was still looking at Yuri, his head slowly turning to look at Ryosuke, “I don’t want either of you to miss out on what could have been.”
Ryosuke nodded, looking back up at Chinen and part of him wanted to just scramble forward right then and there and wrap himself around his legs and beg him to love him. He knew it was impossible, but the need was so strong he had to clench his fists, turning to look at Yuto, his voice full of absolution, “I’m going to figure it out.”
Yuto studied him, and then nodded, “Good.”
December 20, 2013
Yuri turned the corner, adjusting his tie, nearly slamming into Ryosuke, whose hands shot out to grab his arms to steady him.
“Yuri!” Ryosuke took a step back, and then his eyes moved across him, and Yuri felt like the look was so intimate, so telling, but then he admonished himself, because that was stupid.
Ryosuke couldn’t breath, his entire body frozen as he took in the way Yuri looked in the suit, the way his skin tone was contrasted so beautifully, the way the red brought out the soft blush that always seemed to be there, the way it fit him just so, and his hair–it really did look great, dark and styled with gentle spikes, a contrast to the swirling velvet material of the suit.
“I-I am due to record in a minute,” Yuri felt frustrated by the way he’d suddenly started sweating, his entire being wanting to just grab Ryosuke and hold him for some reason–speaking softly, not wanting to be dismissive, but knowing he couldn’t be late.
“Of course!” Ryosuke nodded, shifting to the side so that Yuri could pass, “We’ll catch up in a little bit.”
“Alright!” Yuri called out, moving down the hallway toward the auditorium, shaking his hands out trying to make the tingling feeling fade.
Ryosuke watched him walk away, his eyes bright with affection.
I knew he’d look gorgeous in red.
Ryosuke was preparing to film the scene, the carnation in his shaking hands, he admitted to Yuto that he was really nervous, that he didn’t like these kinds of scenes. Yuto shut off the camera, moving quickly forward to get his attention. Ryosuke bent down when he gestured to him that he wanted to tell him something.
“You just need to find the right motivation, the right thought to focus your attention to,” Yuto whispered in his ear.
Ryosuke pulled back, his expression confused, and then his eyes widened when Yuto mouthed ‘Yuri’ to him.
He nodded, understanding, and then it was simple, of course that’s what he needed to do. As he walked up on the platform, the orchestra playing in the background he set his mind to think of Yuri, of how he might smile if he confessed, imagining what they might say, what they might do.
“He’s cute, huh?” Yuto asked, causing Yuri to jump, his eyes leaving the monitor to glance at Yuto.
“Yama-chan,” Yuto nodded back at the screen, looking intently at it, knowing that Yuri was still staring at him, “He’s cute, huh?”
“Y-yeah,” Yuri agreed, his cheeks flushing red at being caught watching Ryosuke on the screen in the private area, blurting out nervously, “He’s always cute.”
It was Yuto’s turn to look at Yuri who was fixated on the screen again, “I wonder what he’s thinking about? Surely, he is thinking about someone special, don’t you think?”
Yuri’s hands shook at the thought, not able to hide the response to the idea he was thinking of someone else, and his eyes drifted to Yuto’s, a pain seeping out despite him trying to not show it.
“Y-you think so?” Yuri frowned, his eyes cutting back to the screen, praying internally that he wasn’t thinking of anyone at all.
“You should ask him who he’s thinking of, I think it would be interesting to know…”
“O-okay,” Yuri nodded, confused by the idea, not really understanding why Yuto didn’t just ask him himself if he wanted to know so badly.
I can’t handle him telling me someone’s name.
I’ll die right then and there.
Yuto smiled at Yuri, patting his back, “I’ll leave you to it.”
I shouldn’t mess with them, but my goodness, they’re never going to confess without some help!
Ryosuke jumped when Yuto touched his shoulder. He had found a corner where two techs had been watching the filming on personal monitors, now absent having been called to another part of the auditorium for a different job, and he’d become fascinated with watching Yuri film his part of the rap.
He is so…so…hot.
There was no other word for it, he just was…somehow the attitude he was projecting, the way he was moving his body toward the camera, all of it—it just combined in a way that made him so hot it made Ryosuke practically tremble.
“Whatcha doing?” Yuto asked, leaning around Ryosuke to see the monitor, “Ah…I see.”
“What do you want, Yuto?” Ryosuke snapped, agitated at the interruption, refusing to stop watching the monitor, his eyes adamant that they would not be moved, “Don’t lecture me again, I know what you mean, I got it.”
“Actually, they sent me to find you because you have to film your rap part next,” Yuto laughed lightly, “But now that you mention it, I thi—”
Ryosuke turned, laughing, as he shoved Yuto out of the way. They walked down the hallway, a comfortable silence between the two, and Yuto discreetly turned on his camera. Filming when Ryosuke went through the doorway, walking down the aisle as Yuri was walking up, and there in that moment, Yuto’s breath caught, as they passed one another, their eyes connecting, and their hands reaching out, their fingers touching one another so quickly it was like it hadn’t even happened, but Yuto knew it did.
He stared, dumbfounded as Yuri brushed by him, turning to watch him walk down the hallway, disappearing into the room they’d just walked out of, realizing he was going to watch Ryosuke film his part.
Okay, surely, they haven’t always been this way, and I have just been stupid and not seen it?
Just because of Yuri’s birthday?
Suddenly, I notice this? What?!
Yuto clicked stop on the camera, and then clicked the buttons to replay what he’d just filmed, slowing it down, watching it carefully. His heart stopping in his chest when he saw the moment, as if a delicate dance that had been rehearsed many times to exacting perfection, their heads moved, so slightly, and then their eyes shifted, connecting, their hands gliding so smoothly through the space between them, their fingers brushing against one another’s, and then slowly they moved away from one another as one went to work, and the other went to watch.
It’s like they don’t even know they’re doing it…like it’s so normal to them they don’t realize it.
Curious, Yuto moved into the auditorium, sitting in one of the seats, checking through the footage he’d taken that day, and then gasped when he saw a moment when they were practicing the dance in the back room.
When they’d finished, Yuri moved from between the others, like a magnet to Ryosuke, and Ryosuke smiled at him, his hand holding out the water bottle he’d just taken a drink from, and Yuri took it from him, drinking deeply.
Ryosuke’s eyes remained fixed on him as he drank, then his fingers reached out, like a blur, and his hand stroked Yuri’s hip, as he shifted behind him, around him, his fingers moving across his back, and then tenderly squeezing the other side of Yuri’s hip as he moved past him. Yuri’s body swayed as he turned, his eyes following Ryosuke as he moved through the group, and then he smiled, and it was a smile that was so beautiful it was breathtaking.
They don’t even know.
Those two idiots don’t even see it themselves.
When Ryosuke moved back toward him, Yuri watched him, taking another drink before he held the bottle out to Ryosuke, who took it and tipped it up to drink the last of the water. Yuri stepped forward toward him, his hand drawing up to move a bit of hair off of Ryosuke’s forehead, a small gesture, but his hand moved, slowly through the hair behind his ear, brushing down his neck to his shoulder and then whispered across his skin to the hand that was holding the water bottle, taking it from his hand and telling him he’d throw it out.
They have no idea.
As he moved away, Ryosuke watched him walk, a grin on his face as his eyes moved with him, only looking away when one of the other members asked him a question.
“Damn,” Yuto muttered to himself.
How long have they been like this and none of us noticed?
How long have they been like this and THEY haven’t even noticed?
He hit play on another video, one he didn’t recognize and laughed when Yuri was talking quietly into the camera, speaking softly as he took video of Ryosuke on the couch, his eyes closed.
“Here we find in its natural habitat a wild Ryosuke, a strong, beautiful creature who makes the whole world shine brightly. Perhaps we’ll approach the wild Ryosuke and reveal some of his hidden talents to the world? Yes…yes…let’s…”
The camera jiggled as Yuri moved across the room, turning the view-finder around to look at it, making a silly face, and then making the ‘shh’ sign over his lips. He carefully placed the camera down on the chair and then gingerly attempted sit down next to Ryosuke without waking him up.
He gave two thumbs up when Ryosuke seemed to continue to sleep despite him sitting down on the couch. He grinned at the camera, moving his hands in a way like someone on a game show might to showcase the prize others would win.
He’d just moved his arm again under Ryosuke’s face when he shifted, his eyes blinking slowly and then he tilted his head over, his eyes barely open, “Chii-chan….what’re you doing?”
“Nothing,” Yuri smiled brilliantly, “Nothing really…just…showing the rare, exotic, wild Ryosuke to the world.”
“I see,” Ryosuke laughed softly, tilting his head up to see the video camera there, “I’m sure the world is fascinated with my sleeping habits.”
“You’re the cutest when you sleep,” Yuri announced emphatically like there was no chance anyone would disagree.
“Okay,” Ryosuke laughed softly.
“Care to show them the side of you only those who see you in your natural environment have the honor of seeing?”
“Sure,” he murmured, catching on quickly to Yuri’s intention, leaning over nearly on top of him so their heads were very close together, “You do it and I’ll follow.”
Yuri made a face and Ryosuke instantly mimicked it, followed by another and Yuto burst out laughing because it was so absurd. It was like Ryosuke could predict what he was going to do before he did it.
This is totally getting sent in for the documentary!
Not the other stuff…but the faces…for sure.
That’ll teach Yuri about filming with my camera.
Yuto watched as Ryosuke walked off the stage, his eyes cast to the floor and all he could think was how complicated his life was at this point.
I want to help…I don’t know what to do.
That said, Yuto knew he’d be digging through all of his videos this weekend to see how long it had been and what he’d overlooked for so very, very long–his mind bent around the idea of figuring it out and doing his very best to help them in any way he could.