Primary Idol
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Guess What This Is?
Flashfiction
Reading Time: 5 minutes
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Details
Idol

All of Jump

Relationship

Members Friendship

Ship Name

N/A

Type

Jump Group Chat Crack

Genre

This is crack at its best

Rating

R

Warnings

Explicit Language, Adult References, Sexual References, It's crack--may have OOC tendancies and exaggerated Idol personalities

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Synopsis

Across Japan a mail alert was issued, eight other Jump members all in their different places, but all tuned into their group chat, each opening the latest message from Kei.

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Kei: Guys! Guys!!!! Guess what this is? I haven’t told anyone else so don’t talk about it yet, but guess, please omg guess! (⊙ꇴ⊙)

Kei: –image loading–

Ryosuke: An empty message (⊙_☉)

Yuto: Friday?

Keito: ??  ⁀⊙﹏☉⁀

Kei:

Ryosuke: Ahhh, is it an example of your weird tastes in porn? (^艸^)

Yuri: Hahahahaha ( ՞ਊ՞)

Yuto: Foot fetish? (゜。゜)

Hikaru: Isn’t that your wife?

Ryosuke: Haven’t we told you we don’t want to know about this stuff? (ʘᗩʘ’)

Keito: Stop being mean, guys! What is it Kei? Is that your wife?

Kota: A girl ʕ⊙ᴥ⊙ʔ

Ryosuke: Really? Kota? A girl? Ya think?

Yuto: Pretty. It’s a pretty picture? Did you take it Inoo-chan?

Ryosuke: I know, I know–it’s the woman who is going to kick your ass when she finds out you’re taking pictures of her while she’s sleeping. ☜╮(´ิ∀´ิ☜╮)

Yuri: A girl.

Ryosuke: Yuri…ugh…why?!

Yuto: It’s art.

Yuya: I’m in a movie and my phone is going off like crazy, wth guys? (ㆁᴗㆁ✿)

Kei: I’m not telling you now. You guys suck. (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

Ryosuke: Yuya, the chat has a mute button on it. Use it instead of bitching about it every time we talk and you’re in the movies. I mean seriously, do you know how to use your phone? ╮(╯_╰)╭

Daiki: Yama-chan–did you get the message I sent you? (hey everyone)

Ryosuke: No?

Yuya: Yama-chan, shut your dirty whore mouth.  (◕‿◕✿)

Ryosuke: lolol (ᗒᗜᗕ)՛̵̖

Ryosuke: Yuyan, I swear, we have got to teach you how to use the proper emoticons…that’s just…not right.

Yuto: Kei, why aren’t you telling us? What is it?

Kota: You guys, be quiet, I think Kei wants to share something…I mean, assuming that’s not a…you know…fetish pic, in which case…we’d probably rather you keep that to yourself. ٩(^ᴗ^)۶

Kei: it’s a picture of my wife. Idiots. ⋋_⋌

Hikaru: Yeah, guys shut up for a minute!

Ryosuke: I have a Mom and Dad already so thanks for the offer you two, but I’ll have to pass. Dai-chan send it again!

Yuri: I’m outside the door, Yama-chan? Can you not hear me knocking? (ʘдʘ╬)

Ryosuke: Right. I’ll open the door after you stop being so lame. <your voice> A girl. <my voice> LAME.

Yuri: I have pizza.

Ryosuke: It’s been unlocked, you can come in.

Keito: I’m almost there too.

Yuto: Guys!  ノಠ_ಠノ

Kei: That’s my wife. ฅ(≚ᄌ≚)

Yuto: Serious guess?  A new couch? ( ̄▼ ̄*)

Kei: No…I said…nevermind ヽ(゜~゜o)ノ

Ryosuke: Sorry Kei, I didn’t mean to make you feel like we didn’t care about what you were saying and we all would really like to know what it is that is special about the picture you sent. Please. (。♥‿♥。)

Kei: Who actually wrote that?  (●__●)

Ryosuke: Keito. ( ━☞´◔‿ゝ◔`)━☞

Kei: I figured.

Ryosuke: Really, though, I’m sorry, okay? What’s special about the picture? That’s your wife, I knew it was her, I was just kidding about the porn foot fetish stuff…you know?

Kei: I know. (ノ・_-)☆

Kei: It is my wife, but it’s also something else.

Ryosuke: A new couch? Was Yutti right?

Kei: It is also the woman who is going to give birth to my baby.

Kei: (人´∀`).☆.。.:*・°

Ryosuke: Sure, I mean, we’re all going to do that one da–wait.

Ryosuke: This is Keito–are you saying what I think you’re saying?

Kei: Maybe? Where’d Yama-chan go?

Ryosuke: Ah, he threw his phone…he’ll be back, I’m sure.

Daiki: That’s your baby mama!? I mean, it is your wife right?! (ʘᗩʘ’)

Yuto: lol

Yuri: Dai-chan, leave the channel, you’re a horrible human being. (◞‸◟)

Yuri: Congrats Kei!!!!!!! ☆*。★゚*♪ヾ(☆ゝз・)ノ

Daiki: Bite me, Chii. That’s awesome Kei! ( ´∀`)b

Kota: OMG THAT IS AMAZING!!! You must be so happy! (★^O^★)

Hikaru: YAY!! I love to babysit so you know… ٩(θ‿θ)۶

Kei: Thanks guys, it’ll be a while Hikaru. ☜╮(´ิ∀´ิ☜╮)

Keito: I’m so happy for you both, Inoo-chan!!! ⸍⚙̥ꇴ⚙̥⸌

Yuya: I guess this was a good reason to interrupt my movie after all. Congrats Kei and wife! ⌒(=∵=)⌒

Ryosuke: I still think I was right about the fact that she’s totally going to kick your ass when she finds out you sent a sleeping picture of her to the Jump chat, but putting that aside, seriously Inoo-chan–congrats! Really super happy for you.

Hikaru: Keito, is he pouting?

Keito: Yes…yes, he is. (இ﹏இ`。)

Kei: Don’t worry Yama-chan, there’s a girl out there who will be willing to have your baby one day. (⺣◡⺣)♡*

Ryosuke: Shut up Inoo–I’ve been married for over a year longer than you!

Ryosuke:  ┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ノ︵ ┻━┻

Kei: They say you shouldn’t wear tight pants and stuff you know…when you’re trying to get pregnant. (●´□`)♡

Yuto: Yama-chan wears tight pants.   ԅ(≖‿≖ԅ)

Ryosuke: Yutti, that’s creepy af.

Yuto: You’re welcome

Kei: I mean, maybe you’re shooting blanks Yama-chan…not all guys can be as virile and prolific as me.

Keito: I took his phone away, he was going to be very rude  ☹

Keito: He’s screaming…something about Kei needing to freeze his…goodness….if he wants more children…in case he loses his….oh my.

Kei: He apparently has Yuri’s phone, he’s calling me now (◎_◎;) haha

Keito: Yep, Yuri’s banging on the door to the bathroom where he’s locked himself in while he’s got his phone

….

….

Yuri: You can kiss my ass Inoo, we’ve only been trying for a f****** month, you f****** idiot I’m certainly not shoot–

Keito: He’s screaming about the swear filter on Yuri’s phone that won’t let him type the f word

Yuri:  ╭∩╮(-_-)╭∩╮

Yuri: Sorry, that wasn’t me…it was Ryosuke

Hikaru: Yep, it was Yama-chan, we figured that

Yuto: How’d you get the phone from him?

Keito: His wife had just walked in when he’d hid in the bathroom, she actually went to the door just now and whispered something and he came out straight away and gave the phone to Yuri  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Yuto: Can we take bets now on what she whispered? ( ̄▼ ̄*)

Keito: Better not…he’s got the wild eye right now guys.

Hikaru: Oh, oh, I want to go first (★^O^★)

Ryosuke: Don’t you dare say a word Hikka, I will seriously come over there and kick your ass. ლಠ益ಠ)ლ

Hikaru: Calm down Yama-chan -`д´-

Yuto: I already know what she said ヽ(ヅ)ノ

Ryosuke: How so? (⊙_☉)

Yuto: Wife just texted my wife, you’re an idiot (^∀^)

Ryosuke: Damn it  (╯°□°)╯︵(\ .o.)\

Kei: I really love you guys, you know that (´⌣`ʃƪ)

Ryosuke: Love you too, idiot ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡

Yuri: Can you feel the love from Jump tonight?  ♫♪ ƪ(♥ﻬ♥)ʃ ♫♪

Yuya: I’m turning my phone off now, congrats again Kei, peace out suckers Ꮚ❛ꈊ❛Ꮚ

Keito: The peace the evenings brings from Jump (灬♥ω♥灬)  ♫♪

Kota: The world of Jump (♥→o←♥) ♫♪

Hikaru: for oncetimes nine ƪ(♥ﻬ♥)ʃ  ♪

Kota: in perfect harmony cause we’re Jump ✿♥‿♥✿ ♪ ♪

Hikaru: in perfect harmony (love you too Inoo-chan!) ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ) ♫♪ ♫♪

Ryosuke: Are you two in the same room or just that weirdly mind-melded

Ryosuke: ⁀⊙﹏☉⁀

Kota: we’re at dinner together (★^O^★)

Kei: With all its living things like little Jump babies                     

Kei: ♫♪  ლ(´ ❥ `ლ) ♪ 

Yuto: *drum solo*  ♫♪˙‿˙♫♪ while I lift the baby into the air emulating ‘Lion King’

Ryosuke: you can’t lift a baby and perform a drum solo at the same time Yutti, you’re never watching my children, ever                  

Ryosuke: (︺︹︺)

Kei: you’re all a bunch of idiots ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ

Ryosuke: we really are 乁༼☯‿☯✿༽ㄏ

Kei: you’re my idiots (人´∀`).☆.。.:*・°

Ryosuke: thanks for telling us first, Inoo-chan (ᇴ‿ฺᇴ)

Kei: You’re my best friends, who else would I tell first? ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ)

Ryosuke: Exactly.  (。♥‿♥。)

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