Yuri couldn’t help but smile, glancing down at Ryosuke’s fingers fiddling with the edge of the blanket, his head resting over his heart as they lazed about on a Sunday morning. They had a few things to do later that day, but in this moment, they were able to just relax–chosing to stay in bed as long as possible while surfing Youtube videos.
He couldn’t help but feel warm inside–if someone had told him years ago that he’d be married to his best friend in the whole world, living their own style of a ‘perfect’ life–then he would have told them it was impossible…those things might happen, but there was no way it could happen to him.
At least, he’d thought that–and now here he was, Ryosuke’s head moving ever so slightly to the beat of his own heart, and he couldn’t help it, dropping the controller and wrapping his arms around him to squeeze him tightly.
Ryosuke hummed, pushing against his arms to look up at him, “What was that for?”
Yuri couldn’t really put into words all of the feelings running through his mind, just shrugging, “I just love you.”
Ryosuke lifted up a bit further to press a soft, tender kiss to Yuri’s lips, smiling, “I love you too.”
He shuffled to lay back down, his fingers going back to the edge of the blanket while Yuri grabbed the remote to change the video, pausing for a second at one of the suggested videos on the side of it, knowing full well Ryosuke was going to pitch a fit, but it was in reality all his fault.
He did tell me to control the videos.
Without even a hint of remorse he pushed the play button, and at first, it was pretty clear Ryosuke wasn’t paying a bit of attention but he could tell the moment he realized what was playing, his body stiffening, his fingertips crushing the blanket in his hand, emitting a low growl that sounded suspiciously like “Yuri!”
As the series of “I love you” moments from various concerts through the year played on the tv, Ryosuke jerked upright, trying to grab the remote from Yuri who managed to keep it away from him, squealing, “It’s almost over! It’s almost over!”
Ryosuke huffed, throwing himself down on the other side of the bed as the “I love you” echoed in the background, covering his eyes with his arm to hide from the offending words and performances.
When it finally ended, after what he was fairly certain was at least four years minimum, he flung his arm down to look over at Yuri, “You know how much I hate that–I regret ever making the suggestion–I never thought it would become a ‘thing’ at all.”
Yuri laughed softly, “Only you would think that you saying ‘I love you’ to a bunch of fans wouldn’t become a ‘thing’–you’re so naive.”
“Whatever,” Ryosuke shook his head, rolling over onto his side to look at Yuri, his expression softening, “Do you know why I suggested it?”
“Huh?” Yuri scooched down so his eyes were even with Ryosuke’s, lying on his side to face him as well, “What do you mean?”
“I mean when I suggested to say ‘I love you’–do you know how come?”
Yuri blinked, confused, “Ah, you thought it would be cool?”
Ryosuke shook his head, laughing softly, “C’mon, you know me better than to imagine I actually had a burning desire to declare my undying love to the world…”
“That’s…true,” Yuri drew the words out, his mind whirling, “If not that then…”
“It felt like I was saying it to you–like…I know it wasn’t…but…” Ryosuke’s cheeks flamed red, as the memories of the myriad of times he’d said those words rushed through his mind.
Yuri watched him, his eyes wide as he considered the implications of this revelation, “Wait…that was like…I dunno, 2010 or something wasn’t it? That can’t be right!”
Ryosuke couldn’t understand how despite these many years together that Yuri just still couldn’t seem to understand the reality, reaching out to brush his fingertips across his cheek before pulling on his shoulder to make him come closer, “Yuri, I knew the minute I met you–I fell in love with you the second you walked into that room.”
Yuri smiled, shuffling further forward to allow himself to be wrapped in Ryosuke’s arms, his face pressed against his chest, “So, all of those ‘I love you’s are…”
“Yours,” Ryosuke whispered, pressing a soft kiss to Yuri’s forehead.
“All mine,” Yuri mused, “That’s a lot of love.”
Ryosuke laughed softly, “I have a lot of love for you.”
“I won’t ever be able to hear you say those words the same way now,” Yuri admitted.
“What do you mean?” Ryosuke drew back to look down at Yuri.
Yuri tilted his head, his eyes soft, “I mean, I just always thought it was fan service, you know, and secretly, as your number one fan, I always liked to pretend that you were saying it to me too. Now, you say it was always mine…so…now it will be striking me straight in the heart anytime I hear it.”
“Good,” Ryosuke couldn’t help but smile, “It always belonged to you, now you can keep it forever.”
Ryosuke reached over to grab the remote off of Yuri’s pillow where he’d abandoned it, “Now, it’s my turn to find something that I can embarrass you with…”
“You won’t find anything, I have never done anything I am ashamed of,” Yuri whispered, shuffling around to press back up against Ryosuke to see the television as well.
“Oh really? That sounds like a challenge to me,” Ryosuke began to think carefully about what he could search for that would be embarrassing for Yuri…drawing a blank, “Why are you like this?”
“Because I’m me,” Yuri said proudly, “And you love me just the way I am.”
He reached back and snatched the remote out of Ryosuke’s hand before he could stop him, pressing the play button to make the ‘I love you” compilation play again, shushing Ryosuke when he started to protest, “I’m allowed to enjoy this on an entirely different level now, shut up.”
Ryosuke shook his head, realizing he’d just created a monster…and then reached to drag him even closer, pressing a kiss against his head as he smiled, knowing in his heart that Yuri was absolutely right–he wouldn’t have him any other way.
The next day, they were filming the Parade ga Hajimaru PV–they’d arrived together, with Ryosuke hanging out with Yuri as they did his hair and makup since he was the first up to be filmed that morning. Yuri was a little surprised by Ryosuke staying–he would usually go off and find a corner to inconspicuously fall asleep in.
Which would inevitably end up on a video thanks to Yutti but still.
When he was nearly done, Ryosuke cleared his throat, pointing to the door to let Yuri know he was going to go on ahead. Yuri did the slight head nod–they were pretty proud of how sly they were…which was a little stupid because no one would think that they were up to anything at all if Ryosuke had just said “I’m gonna go wait in the studio”…but still, inside secrets were a part of their lives, and it paid for them to be always on alert and cautious so they never would slip up when it would really matter. This was certainly going to become something that mattered far more than just merely protecting poeple from finding out about them…no, it was best to handle things in very specific, clear cut ways…
Work was work.
Home was home.
And apart from when one or both of them were wearing white pants in general they were both able to keep those two seperate.
Well…barely…well, they tried–that has to count for something? It was in some ways becoming more and more difficult to keep things neatly divided, and they both knew in the next year the lines were even more likely to become blurred and unclear. It didn’t matter, they both wanted what they wanted together and that was all that mattered–they were blessed enough to be surrounded by people who not only supported them, but helped them conceal and misdirect people away from their relationship.
Yuri was in a wonderful mood, feeling happy and full of joy at all of the beautiful expectations that lay before them, he thanked the makeup artist and the stylist and headed toward the studio.
As soon as Yuri entered the space he saw Ryosuke talking to the people at the sound board, confused, because this wasn’t one of Ryosuke’s projects, he wasn’t really involved in the back end production so he was a little confused by him still not sleeping.
When he was told where to stand and the director instructed him, saying this was really a very short bit–that they were only going to play a tiny random clip just to get him in the zone–and that he didn’t even need to sing along or anything. The goal was to convey feelings–through his expressions and gestures–not to sing the song but to project those feelings to the camera and thus the fans.
Yuri understood, nodding, unpreprared for when the so called “random” clip began to play–knowing full well this was what Ryosuke had been doing at the sound board.
He couldn’t really be sure what feelings he conveyed…whether it revealed how much he loved that dumb boy or how flattered he was by his continual profound declarations throughout their years of surviving their mutual unrequited love. He wondered if the people there could see how much it effected him, how much his hear swelled, to know how loved he was, how cherished he was–how it felt to be loved by the one person in the world you only ever loved…to have that forever? Could they know?
He was careful to avoid looking toward the staff, knowing that there was a good chance that Ryosuke would be standing with them and in that case, it would be all too possible that perhaps his feelings would be entirely too clear, too apparent. Otherwise, he was sure that Ryosuke was glued to one of the video consoles to watch his reaction–either way…he hoped in his heart that what he felt was conveyed to him, because he figured if Ryosuke had spent the last nine years publicly declaring his love for him–then it would be okay if there was a bit of a reflection of that love that could be discovered in this one moment of time in return.