Primary Idol
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What the f*** is this f***ery?
Flashfiction
Reading Time: 4 minutes
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Details
Idol

All of Jump

Relationship

Members Friendship

Ship Name

N/A

Type

Jump Group Chat Crack

Genre

This is crack at its best

Rating

R

Warnings

Explicit Language, Adult References, Sexual References, It's crack--may have OOC tendancies and exaggerated Idol personalities

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Synopsis

Ryosuke showing off what his wife made him for lunch in the Jump group chat.

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Ryosuke: My wife (´∀`)♡ loves me more than yours

Ryosuke: -image loading-

Yabu: Yama-chan–I’ve told you about hitting the chat just to antagonize everyone. ☜(`o´)

Ryosuke: What? What was that? There’s this horrible buzzing noise in the chat…(≖ლ≖๑ )フ

Yabu: Yama-chan.

Ryosuke: Oh, hi Yabu, had to take out my noise canceling mute you ear plugs. 

Ryosuke: (*´艸`*)

Yabu: ~(。☉︵ ಠ@)>

Ryosuke: My wife (´∀`)♡ loves me more than yours

Ryosuke: Why isn’t the image sending!?!?!?! (`Д´)

Ryosuke: -image loading-

Ryosuke: -image loading-

Hikaru: 〈(゜。゜)

Ryosuke has sent an image.

Ryosuke has sent an image.

Ryosuke has sent an image.

Ryosuke: What now b****es? (。◝‿◜。)

Ryosuke: What the f*** is this f***ery?

Kei: That looks really good! 

Kei: Though, I mean, I don’t think it’s accurate to base how much our wives love us on how well they prepare a bento.

Ryosuke: The f***…

Daiki: I agree, I mean, not every wife is the same, they all have their gifts. 

Daiki: Still, my wife definitely loves me more than yours does. ♥へ(‾◡◝ )>

Ryosuke: I can’t deal with you guys right now, my phone is broken!

Ryosuke: But still, Arioka–f*** you!

Yabu: Everything doesn’t have to be a competition guys.

Hikaru: I don’t even know why you are trying Yabu-chan ⊙_ʘ

Yuto: Yabu, you did it now…incoming Yama-chan rant in 5…

Yuto: 4…

Yuto: 3…  

Ryosuke: That’s bulls***–everything in the universe is a competition, survival itself is a competition, life and living is a competition, so yes, this d*** well is a competition too! 

Yuto: Ah, he actually came a little sooner than I expected!

Hikaru: That’s what she said ꉂ (๑¯ਊ¯)σ л̵ʱªʱªʱª

Yuto: I walked right into that one.

Hikaru: You really did

Daiki: They have meds for that Yama-chan, I’m sure your wife would appreciate you looking into it. (´ε` ʃƪ)♡

Ryosuke: D*** it! I hate you all.

Ryosuke: And I hate my f***ing phone!!!!! 

Kei: Well, I’m proud of the lunch I have from my wife too. (^._.^)ノ

Kei: -image loading-  

Kei has sent an image.

Yuya: Since when did this chat become food network? ( ˘ ³˘)♥

Ryosuke: Oy! Yuyan, seriously. What the f*** does that emoticon have to do with what you said?

Yuya: I don’t know what you mean Yama-chan ⸝₍̗⁽ˆ⁰ˆ⁾₎͕⸍∘˚˳°✧

Ryosuke: Is that….is it a snowman emoticon?

Yuya: Cute right?

Ryosuke: It’s f***ing JUNE!!!! 

Yuya: Yep! ❆(੭ु ◜◡‾)੭ु⁾❆

Ryosuke: F*** it. I give up.

Yuto: That looks really good Inoo-chan!

Yabu: Yummmmm! (⌒▽⌒ゞ

Ryosuke: WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH MY PHONE!?!?!

Ryosuke: (ノ`Д´)ノ

Yuri: -image loading-

Yuri has sent an image.

Yabu: Whoa! That’s awesome Chii-chan! Did your wife make that for you?!

Hikaru: Holy crap! That’s insane! w(°o°)w ᵒᵐᵍᵎᵎᵎ  

Yuto: What a work of art! Maybe your wife could show my wife how to do that sometime.

Daiki: Damn, that’s amazing!

Ryosuke: What the actual f*** Chinen!?!

Yuri: She did make it! Isn’t it sweet!?  (´∀`)♡

Kei: ˶⍤⃝˶꒳ᵒ꒳ᵎᵎᵎ Too cool!

Yuri: She’d like that Yuto, she is very gifted, thank you guys! 

Yuri: This is my soup!

Yuri: -image loading-

Yuri: What Yama-chan? 〈(゜。゜)

Yuri has sent an image.

Yuto: Amazing!

Ryosuke: You just couldn’t let me have this, just this one thing, could you?

Ryosuke: (☞◣д◢)☞

Yuri: I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about, Yama-chan 

Yuri:╭( ・ㅂ・) و ̑̑ "

Ryosuke: What the f***?!? Obviously, you do know–since that’s a d*** fist pump emoticon you a**!

Daiki: bwahahahaha ( ՞ਊ ՞)☞

Yuto: lol

Yuri: Oh…is it? (ʃƪ¬‿¬)

Hikaru: Damn, Chii–that’s savage. (*^-‘) 乃

Yuya: I need that fist pump one! Send it to me Chii ໒( ᓀ ‸ ᓂ )७

Yuri: sent it

Keito: ♡հҽӀӀօ♡* ૂི•̮͡• ૂ ྀෆ⃛﹡೫٭ॢ*⋆♡⁎೨ ♡⃛ෆ͙⃛ ॢ٭ॢ*⋆♡⁎

Ryosuke: Why would you enable him!? Don’t send him new emoticons until he learns how to use the ones he already has! Am I the only one who knows this!?

Daiki: Yes…yes you are.

Ryosuke: …

Keito: Hey guys! I was at the dentist–what’s up!? (*●⁰ꈊ⁰●)ノ

Yuya: ╭( ・ㅂ・)و ̑̑ "

Daiki: Read the mood Keito…read the mood

Keito: (・∩・)?

Kei: Scroll up Keito…

Keito: oh…I see.

Yuri: Yama-chan just has his panties in a bunch is all…he’ll be fine.

Ryosuke: ٩(๑`^´๑)۶

Daiki: Theory that Yama-chan cross-dresses in his wife’s underwear? Status: Confirmed. Source: Inside Intel

Yuya:  ╭( ・ㅂ・)و ̑̑ "

Ryosuke: Aahsf…asdfj;fsdjdl;sj you f***ing a;sduYUYAAAAAAuelsjdflf

Hikaru: I feel like his head’s fixing to explode.

Yuto: I’m gonna miss him–Yama-chaaaaan (。•́︿•̀。)

Keito: I dunno what you guys are so worked up over…I didn’t get to have my wife’s food because she went to visit her parents…this is what I’m eating.

Keito: -image loading-

Keito has sent an image.

Yuri: Poor Keito.

Yabu: It could be worse, when does she come home?

Hikaru: That’s true

Keito: Not for another week.

Yuri: I’ll share my bento with you tomorrow at the studio!

Ryosuke: First, screw all of you! Next, yes, yes, poor Keito, can we get back to discussing my issue?  

Daiki: There’s not enough time in all the world to address all of your issues, Yama-chan.

Yuto: hahahahahahaha omg

Yuya:  ╭( ・ㅂ・)و ̑̑ "

Yuri: I fixed your phone, Yama-chan, that’s all, you need to take a deep breath.

Ryosuke: ୧(๑•̀ᗝ•́)૭ Ⓦⓗⓐⓣ What do you mean? 

Yuri: Your wife asked me to do it, to help you.

Ryosuke: What!? (「๑•₃•)「 ʷʱʸ? Why!?! ლ(ಠ_ಠლ)

Yuya: ╭( ・ㅂ・)و ̑̑ "

Yuri: You swear too much. 

Ryosuke: I’ll f***ing kill both of you.

Ryosuke: ( ︶︿︶)_╭∩╮

Yuto: OMG!!! Chii-chan you ROCK! hahahahaha

Ryosuke: Shut it Yutti!  (`Д´)

Yuya:  ╭( ・ㅂ・)و ̑̑ "

Yabu: That’s one way to handle it lol

Ryosuke: OMG YUYAN!! THE F***!!!!!!

Daiki: So you mean we can just toy with Yama-chan to get him into a blind rage and he can’t swear?

Ryosuke: You can all kiss my a**

Ryosuke: OMG (‿ˠ‿) KISS IT!

Yuri: Yep. Well, I mean he can’t swear, it’s probably not okay to harass him…I don’t think that’s part of the plan

Yuto: (‿ˠ‿)  ԅ(´ڡ`ԅ)

Daiki: Pity…can we discuss a different plan then?

Ryosuke: I swear to God Arioka…

Ryosuke: Yuto. Still. Creepy. AF.

Yuto: You’re welcome (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ )

Daiki: Tsk, shame on you.

Ryosuke:  ╭∩╮_ ( ︶︿︶)

Hikaru: lol he’s resorted to just using emoticons now lololol

Ryosuke: ╭∩╮( ¬‿¬ )╭∩╮

Ryosuke: Wait. Seriously Chinen, what the f*** did you do to my phone?! Why can’t I write the word f*** now!? I’m going to f****ing kill you when I get my hands on you! 

Ryosuke: F***!!!!  (╯°Д°)╯︵/(.□ . )

Yuri: We all agree–you swear too much, I’m just helping you learn to control your mood better.

Yuri: ღཾཿ༉ ༘჻ღཾཿ༉ ༘჻ღཾཿ༉ ༘჻ღཾཿ჻

Yabu: Truth.

Hikaru: That’s true

Yuto: I agree…sorry Yama-chan (。•́︿•̀。)

Keito: I hardly even notice it?

Yabu: You’re around him too much so you’ve grown immune to it Keito.

Yuya:  ╭( ・ㅂ・)و ̑̑ "

Keito: Huh. Weird…

Ryosuke: God da** it! Oh, hell no. 

Ryosuke: Wait. Why can I write hell!?  (*´・д・)ノɂ̥Ɂ̥

Yuri: It’s a place so I didn’t put it in the filter (。◝‿◜。)

Yuri: Probably where you’re going if you don’t learn to control your mood better.

Ryosuke: F*** you!

Ryosuke: F * * * you!

Ryosuke: F.*.*.* you!

Ryosuke: F-*-*-* you!

Ryosuke:  ┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ノ︵ ┻━┻”

Yuya:  ╭( ・ㅂ・)و ̑̑ "

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